The Series of Tubes is not a strategy

media strategy saturday meme

It pains me to see folks place all their faith in the Series of Tubes, whether they’re trying to bust into Hollywood, sell books about Men in Kilts or make a living playing punk rock songs with only three chords.

It’s no skin off my nose if they stubbornly keep on doing it.

As somebody who believes in science, and numbers, and doing whatever works, I’ll just say this: the Series of Tubes is useful for making friends and other things — but it is not a strategy and it is not a plan, not even for Internet Tough Guys.

internet tough guy as a child
This is your standard Internet Tough Guy as a child, deep into his training.

Here’s the thing: to persuade 10 people, you have to reach thousands–and to persuade thousands, you have to reach millions.

Which means using mass media, which is a completely different animal than social media or social networking.

Digital alone isn’t a strategy. It’s one piece.

There was a good Seattle blog, staffed with professional journalists and getting 400,000 hits a month, and that wasn’t enough to keep it afloat. Because internet hits may seem impressive, but they can be cheap and fleeting.

Truly reaching an audience means going to where they are, which isn’t your website, Twitter feed, Instagram home or whatever corner of the interwebs you prefer.

  • Some people rely on the radio. Maybe they’re like me and drive far to get to work and home every day.
  • Other folks read their local newspaper every morning with coffee, a ritual that I believe to be sacred and noble.
  • And yes, there are people who still use their television, even if it’s hooked up to cable, Hulu, Netflix or whatever else is hot this week.

The bottom line is this: If you made a pie chart of where people get their news and entertainment, it would be insanely fragmented. Digital is an important, modern slice, sure. But it’s just a slice.

A real media strategy, a smart one, touches every corner of that media pie.

Not one or two slices. Every one.

Golden eagle: the honey badger of birds

The shocking video of a giant flipping golden eagle, soaring in like some kind of pterodactyl, which I can’t even spell, to snatch a toddler — well, that thing may or may not be a total fake.

Watch it and decide.

Not fake is this long nature video of a golden eagle killing and eating MOUNTAIN GOATS.

I am not making that up. Why bother hunting rats, rabbits, purse dogs belonging to Paris Hilton, wolves, tiny humans and anything else under 33 pounds — why even mess with such trifling things when you can take out giant goats, and do so using jedi bird mastery of gravity?

We should remember three things: (1) birds are feathered dinosaurs, (2) golden eagles are like mini velicoraptors WHO CAN FLY and (3) if you have one as a pet, I am not cleaning the bird cage.

Bonus video: a rundown, with all kinds of scientific numbers and such about the golden eagle, truly the honey badger of birds. (Though in a fight, I’m putting a purple euro on the honey badger.)

SAME LOVE by Macklemore

My friend Max (short for Maxima, though if it were short for Maximus that would also be cool in a GLADIATOR way) has introduced me to Macklemore.

He’s a Seattle rapper famous for the THRIFT STORE song and video, which is worth an entirely post by itself.

I’d heard Macklemore’s songs on the radio and such, but not the music videos, seeing how MTV doesn’t play vids anymore because, you know, wall-to-wall Jersey Shore nonsense and such. Snooki needs her screen time.

This video is long and courageous and well done.

I salute you, Macklemore, for having the range to do a hilarious romp like THRIFT STORE and the guts to do this quiet little beauty.

 

C.C. Humphreys: author, actor, fight choreographer

If you live in the Seattle, or the Kirkland — or even Denver, Portland and Instanbul  — there’s an author on tour you should meet. (See when and where below.)

C.C. Humphreys is not only a literary muffin of stud, but a former actor and FIGHT CHOREOGRAPHER (bonus points). He actually knows how to use a sword, which gives me an excuse to play the Best Swordfighting Scene in Any Movie Not Involving Lightsabers.

He’s a genuinely interesting human being, a man who speaks with one of the sweetest British accents on the planet, maybe because he grew up in the U.K. despite the fact that he is technically Canadian. Is all that legal? I DON’T KNOW.

author cc humphreys, a literary muffin of stud
Author C.C. Humphreys is a literary muffin of stud, and a genuinely decent human being. Visit his blog or visit him on his book tour. DO IT NOW.

This accent gives everything he says an extra bit of charm and gravitas, even if he’s telling you, “Listen, you’re being rather beastly.”

All you want is for him to keep talking.

So: he has a new novel out, A PLACE CALLED ARMEGEDDON, which is about the siege of Constantinople, though you have to say which siege, because the place got attacked all the time.

“Alexander the Great, what are you doing this weekend?”

“Oh, the usual. Maybe drink a bit of wine and take a long ride on one of my horses. I have a stable or six full of those things.”

“Come with us. We’re gonna sack Constantinople — it’ll be great.”

“OK, that sounds fun.”

C.C.’s novel is about the siege of 1453, a particularly good year for a siege, hearty and full. It goes well with filet mignon. Anyway: This man can write like nobody’s business, and the novel is worth it.

a place called armageddon by cc humphreys
A PLACE BY ARMAGEDDON, the latest novel by C.C. Humphreys.

Also: If you go to a writing conference and hit one of his seminars, you’ll remember him, because he puts on a show. This may be because he was an actor on stage and screen. I believe all of his grandfathers were actors, too. It’s in his blood. The man played Jack Absolute, the 007 of the 1770’s, and he also played Caleb the gladiator on an NBC series.

Also-also: most of his readers are women for some reason, even though he writes swashbuckling historical novels about battles and blood rather than romances involving men in kilts.

EITHER WAY: I truly like and respect this man, and his books. You will, too, if you (a) see him on tour, (b) buy one of his novels, (c) lurk on his blog, which you can read here, or (d) chat with him on the Twitter at the mysterious handle of @HumphreysCC.

C.C. Humphreys book tour: the when and the where

Sept. 22 & 23rd — Kirkland Book Fest, Kirkland, Washington.

Sept. 23rd at 2:30 p.m. — Elliot Bay Bookstore, Seattle, Washington

Oct. 1 at 7:30 p.m. — Tattered Cover, Denver, Colorado.

Oct. 9 at 7 p.m. — Copperfields, Petaluma, Sonoma, California.

Oct. 12 at 7 p.m. — Powell’s Books at Cedar Hills Crossing, Beaverton, Oregon.

Oct. 19 to 21 — Surrey International Writers Conference, Surrey, British Columbia, in the Canada.

Nov. 24 & 25 — Istanbul International Book Fair, Istanbul, Turkey.

Seattle superheroes challenged by supervillain Rex Velvet

Around here , we don’t just watch caped crusaders and masked Avengers on the Imax while munching the Largest Bowls of Popcorn Known to Man.

Up in Metropolis, which other peoples call “Seattle,” we have our own local super heroes, including Phoenix Jones, who changes into costume by going through a SECRET DOOR at a comic book store.

Does it get any geekier, or cooler, than that? The answer is NO.

And now we have a local super-villain, Rex Velvet, challenging Jones.

Rex Velvet, you get bonus points for the mustache symbolism.