Tag: MTV

Billy Squire wrecks his career with ROCK ME TONITE

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If you don’t remember Billy the Squire, probably because you weren’t born yet, he was kind of a big deal for a while. A rising star.

Then this video came out and smooshed him faster than you can say Milli Vanilli.

And yes, he started out by getting creative with the spelling of “tonight,” because that’s the revolutionary rebelliousness of a true rock star, though he didn’t go as far as Prince, who uses an entirely different alphabet.

Let’s ask ourselves, for the sake of history: Why was this music video so deadly?

It’s not the music. This isn’t some 11-minute long art film with a soundtrack that some rock star thought would be a killer idea. And yeah, that happens. Somebody gets famous and they think every idea that pops into their head is brilliant.

Close your eyes and listen to the song. It’s not terrible. A decent rocker with nothing to really complain about.

The lyrics aren’t inspired, but they aren’t completely insipid, either. Let’s go with banal.

Here’s the problem: people didn’t have their eyes closed. If this song simply hit the radio, Billy might have kept on rising up and making scads of money.

The visuals are simply awful.

Billy oozes uncool out of every pore. If there’s matter and anti-matter, there’s cool and uncool. Billy does not come off as cool in this video. He doesn’t seem like a cocky, confident rock star. It feels like he’s trying too hard, and failing.

There aren’t that many rock stars who look good dancing. The smart ones keep it low key. Billy Idol doesn’t dance — he pouts and pumps his fist. Bruce Springsteen never really dances. Bono, Sting, even Mick Jagger doesn’t really dance. He does a funky chicken and that’s about it.

Billy the Squire kept trying aerobic instructor moves, which did not look good on film.

When his band finally showed up, I kept swearing they cloned Billy, or shot multiple takes with him playing all the instruments. Every band member but one dude had the same outfit and over-permed hair. IT WAS CONFUSING, and not in a good way.

So all in all, this is an epic train wreck of a video.

Also: Bonus points to whoever digs up what happens to Billy Squire.

WE ARE BROTHERS by Baddy Paris and Rufus Starlight is pure brilliance

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As a child of the ’80s, I grew up watching music videos. You know back when MTV played them instead of reality shows involving people who get drunk a lot and are really into self-tanning.

This music video isn’t a pure parody. Because it’s brilliant. It stands by itself and could’ve been an actual hit from 1985.

Baddy Paris and Rufus Starlight, I salute you. Well done.

WE ARE BROTHERS

He is your brother.
And just because he’s older,
He will always try to boss you.
No matter what you do,
You must obey him!

He is your brother.
And just because he’s younger,
You will learn to tell your fists no,
When he beats you on Nintendo.
Do not hit him!

Ahhhhhhhhh
Don’t leave us,
You are our jesus.
But you look like mother.
Don’t want to lose you,
To another.

Ahhhhhhhhh
Don’t leave us,
You are our jesus.
She maybe your lover,
But do not forget,
You are our brother!

You were a loser,
Your haircut was a mullet.
You could not play the bassoon,
You had a dark blue bedroom,
What were you thinking?!

You also had a mullet!
I was always the cool one.
I was the budding rock star,
I’m awesome at the guitar….
…But you work for me now!

Ahhhhhhhhh
Don’t leave us,
You are our jesus.
But you look like mother.
Don’t want to lose you,
To another.

Ahhhhhhhhh
Don’t leave us,
You are our jesus.
She maybe your lover,
But do not forget,
You are our brother!

You were working as a salesman,
In a homeware & design store.
You only ever wore black,
Your life was made of Habitat.
You were lonely.
Ooooooooooohhhhhhhhh

That was when you met her,
Though you would never tell us.
But then we finally guessed it,
Out came your dirty secret –
You loved your boss!
Ooooooooooohhhhhhhhh
You loved your boss!!!

You are my brother.
Just look how far you’ve come now.
I used to change your nappy,
Now you’re old & saggy,
Fat like Paddy.

You are my brother.
I always looked up to you.
But now to me it’s quite weird,
Cause you have hair & a beard,
Just like our Daddy.

Ahhhhhhhhh
Don’t leave us,
You are our jesus.
But you look like mother.
Don’t want to lose you,
To another.

Ahhhhhhhhh
Don’t leave us,
You are our jesus.
She maybe your lover,
But do not forget,
You are our brother!

SAME LOVE by Macklemore

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My friend Max (short for Maxima, though if it were short for Maximus that would also be cool in a GLADIATOR way) has introduced me to Macklemore.

He’s a Seattle rapper famous for the THRIFT STORE song and video, which is worth an entirely post by itself.

I’d heard Macklemore’s songs on the radio and such, but not the music videos, seeing how MTV doesn’t play vids anymore because, you know, wall-to-wall Jersey Shore nonsense and such. Snooki needs her screen time.

This video is long and courageous and well done.

I salute you, Macklemore, for having the range to do a hilarious romp like THRIFT STORE and the guts to do this quiet little beauty.

 

Music Video Monday: Florence + The Machine

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If I post a music video every Monday, or every other Monday, or on random Mondays when I feel like it, I will officially be playing more music than this channel on your cable box called MTV.

That channel, which was once proud and powerful, is now apparently dedicated to documentaries about the fake-tanning habits of young, unmarried losers in New Jersey with gelled hair and steroid problems and fake body parts.

 

Watch this insane video by Florence + The Machine, then use your literary powers of deconstruction to figure out what it’s trying to say.

I believe the alien go-go dancers are a tribute to all the green alien women Captain Kirk conquered back in the 1960s, and that the end of the video pays homage to the only good scene in X-MEN: THE FINAL COUNTDOWN OR WHATEVER when Famke Janssen, who rocked as an evil Bond girl in Goldeneye, went nuts and turned all these bad guys into dust because Hugh Jackman refused to go steady with her.

THE KILL by 30 Seconds to Mars

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In my quest to play more music videos than MTV, here’s the latest installment of Music Video Monday.

Jared Leto is the frontman of 30 Seconds to Mars, and he was an actor first. He also directs these music videos, which is why the band’s videos rock so hard. (If you read the credits, the director has a silly name. Post a comment, whoever sees that name first.)

So: here’s the video, which obviously pays deep homage to THE SHINING.

SUGAR WE’RE GOING DOWN by Fall Out Boy

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Yes, I know that there are rumors that MTV still plays some music videos between the hours of 3 a.m. and 9 a.m., when it’s not doing Jersey Shore marathons or finding the next Heidi Pratt or whatever. MTV used to play videos 24 hours a day. Now all you can watch are country videos on some nearby channel. Do I need country videos about somebody’s dog dying and the transmission on his Chevy going out and his wife leaving with his best friend, and him sure missing his best friend? No. I need a channel that just plays music videos. VH1 doesn’t count.

This video by Fall Out Boy is  a rocking tune with lyrics that nobody understands.

Listen closely. Tell me if you figure out (a) what the lead singer is saying, especially around the chorus and (b) if you can divine any meaning to those words.

Also: there is a parody video that tries to explain the lyrics. Quite funny and well done, though a smidge NSFW. If you fire up the YouTubes, you can probably find it.

TAKE ON ME by A-Ha

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If you were alive, and breathing, you remember watching this on what we used to call MTV, which played these things called “music videos” instead of endless reality shows starring people from New Jersey who tan a lot.

Sidenote: Sir Tans a Lot would be a funny name for a rapper who made fun of The Situation.

Three things: (1) the hair makes me laugh, (2) the effects seems cheap now and (3) the storytelling in the video is much better than the lyrics of the song.

Check out the lyrics below.  I’ve read them twice. Saw the video a zillion times. The video sort of makes sense. The lyrics, not so much.

TAKE ON ME

by A-Ha

We’re talking away
I don’t know what
I’m to say I’ll say it anyway
Today’s another day to find you
Shying away
I’ll be coming for your love, OK?
Take on me, take me on
I’ll be gone
In a day or two

So needless to say
I’m odds and ends
But that’s me stumbling away
Slowly learning that life is OK.
Say after me
It’s no better to be safe than sorry

Take on me, take me on
I’ll be gone
In a day or two

Oh the things that you say
Is it life or
Just a play my worries away
You’re all the things I’ve got to
remember
You’re shying away
I’ll be coming for you anyway

Take on me, take me on
I’ll be gone
In a day or two

 

Music Video Monday: Some White Girl

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Now, this is interesting.

She just cranks this out, like it’s effortless to sing beautifully while spewing 150 bazillion words per second.

I don’t know her name. I don’t know the song.

I do know this: some record company exec with half a brain should SIGN HER UP.

ELECTRIC AVENUE, as interpreted by the Red Pen of Doom

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A classic, and the first video I remember seeing on MTV, and one of my favorites.

Great song. Great video.

As a special bonus, I found the lyrics.

All of them.

And yes, the Red Pen of Doom couldn’t resist taking a shot at interpreting each line.

Boy!

(My friend, who doesn’t need to be named, and is a male, though possibly not a man, and definitely not a boyfriend, but a buddy.)

Boy!

(I say this twice to reinforce my greeting and to use it as a shout, sort of a combination of “Hey!” and “Man!” and “Can you believe this nonsense?”)

Down in the street there is violence

(There are sometimes assaults and murders that I did not commit, or authorize, and this worries me.)

And a lots of work to be done

(I have things to do, people. I don’t always  hang out in my living room singing at the TV or ride my motorcycle around empty streets.)

No place to hang out our washing

(The economy is so bad, and living quarters so cramped, not only do I fail to own a washer and dryer, I don’t even have enough space to hang my clothes out to dry.)

And I can’t blame all on the sun, oh no

(The fact that the weather here is glorious doesn’t cause anyone to be unsuccessful. There are other reasons.)

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