Great food, beautiful beaches and giant man-eating reptiles

Technically, I live in a temperate rainforest, which is a fancy way of saying we get 100+ inches a year, which feeds our giant trees and keeps everything green. 

Costa Rica is home to some of the best tropical rainforests in the world. And since tourism is the country’s No. 1 business, they work hard to protect their forests, beaches and wildlife.

The wildlife is what really impressed me. We were lucky enough to have two naturalists show us around, and both of them could spot a rare bird, insect or monkey long before we did. Some of these shots (especially the ones of birds) are actually using my phone through a spotting scope, which is tricky. 

 

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As a kid, I loved monkeys and would spend hours at the monkey section of zoos in Germany, Holland, New York–wherever we lived. So for me, Costa Rica was amazing, because you couldn’t step outside without seeing monkeys: capuchins, squirrel monkeys and howlers.

The howlers make scary noises and are bigger than the others, and they don’t come close to people, but they’re not aggressive. Vegetarians with a bark far worse than their bite.

The capuchins are pretty common and aren’t afraid of people. You’re not supposed to feed them, though some people still do, but even if you follow the rules, the capuchins hang around waiting for people to (a) drop food or (b) leave fruit or other goodies unattended. Because they will jump in there and steal your fruit.

Squirrel monkeys were a special treat. They travel in packs of up to 90 members and the males try to impress the females by jumping insanely large distances between the trees. Like the capuchins, they aren’t afraid of people and would come down on lower branches to check us out. Not to beg or steal food, just to be curious. Beautiful little guys.

The crocodiles were intense–and you don’t swim in the rivers anywhere near where they are.

For folks thinking about traveling here, two things stand out: the food was amazing, regardless of what restaurant we visited. World rankings right now: Costa Rica, Greece then Japan, I kid you not.

The second thing is the level of service. Prices aren’t as insanely cheap as you’ll find elsewhere, but I’ve never seen such good service, top to bottom, from the naturalists on tours to the hotel staff to the bus drivers. Maybe it’s because tourism is their No. 1 industry and they make it a focus instead of an after-thought. Everything ran smoothly.

It’s a clean, safe country. 11/10 would recommend. 

Man leads police on 112 mph chase, crashes, then flees with his pet monkey

Monkey chase. Photo courtesy of the Burien Police Department.

Monkey chase. Photo courtesy of the Burien Police Department.

Photo courtesy of the Burien Police Department.

This sounds like an Onion story. But it’s not.

As a reformed journalist and unrepentant fan of weird news, this story is classic. Let’s break it down.

Related post, which WordPress put on the front page: How weird news teaches us great storytelling

Continue reading “Man leads police on 112 mph chase, crashes, then flees with his pet monkey”

Things I’m selling that you should buy and such

MAGIC BREADMAKER

You put water and wheat-powder stuff inside, push a button to use the Force, then POOF, out comes bread.

Sort of like this:

rey makes bread

This breadmaker is in a nice, white box with all kinds of buttons.

Not included: Destroyed AT-AT shelter.

Asking price: Five bucks or one-quarter portion.

DOG HOUSE

It’s cedar, medium-sized and fancy, while our Hound of the Baskervilles is black, large and not fancy at all.

If you don’t have a destroyed AT-AT handy as a shelter, this will do nicely, as long as you’re under 5’3″.

Once I finished building it, our dog sniffed at the treats inside, drank from the water bowl and ran off to chew on sticks and chase rabbits. He never entered it again.

Later, he explained to me that the whole point of being outside is to be outside, rain or sun, and that being rained on is good for you sometimes. It makes you appreciate the sunshine. He also said that kibbles are for cats and that when we’re gone, he sits on every chair in the house, not because he doesn’t know it’s wrong, but because rebellion is good for the soul.

Not included: Dog.

Asking price: An old Jiffy Peanut Butter jar of full of pennies, nickels and a couple of quarters.

FOUR REPORTER NOTEBOOKS STOLEN FROM THE NEWSROOM

I worked at a dying newspaper before working at dying newspapers was cool.

When the death spiral got fast and tight, they started rationing rolls of film, pens and reporter notebooks.

Yeah, they rationed notebooks. If you run out of paper while covering a story, hey, write on your forearm. It’s blank.

The second the supply cabinet got restocked, starving reporters rioted to grab all the film, pens and notebooks.

I still have enough reporter notebooks to roof a ranch-style house. They’re just the right size to put in your jacket pocket. Love ’em.

Not included: Stories for dying newspapers or rolls of film. Sorry. Threw the film out. Nobody even develops film anymore.

Asking price: A moleskin notebook that’s too nice for you to actually use, so you keep on writing on the back of envelopes to save the moleskin for the deepest of deep thoughts.

TWO SANSA MP3 PLAYERS

These are miniature technological wonders, tiny black boxes perfect for playing your favorite songs stolen from the interwebs, now that the only albums people buy are ones made of vintage vinyl and hoarded by bearded hipsters.

If you are not a bearded hipster, load these things up with your favorite songs for when you put on shorts and run around the neighborhood despite having two Hondas and a bicycle you never ride.

If you lose a player, who cares, because you have a spare with the SAME SONGS.

Actually included: Random music. Charge these up and yeah, there’s music on them. I have no idea whether this was during my Lenny Kravitz phase or not. Could be a bunch of Toad the Wet Sprocket.

Asking price: Two random CD’s you’ll never use again. I’m making a shiny roof for a bat house.

ONE RANDOM BOX FROM MY GARAGE

I’ve lived in NY, WA, Germany, the Netherlands, the Hinterlands, NY again, Spokaloo, Bellingham, Tacoma and now Monte—and every time I packed up to move, most things went into boxes that got transferred from one garage to another without anybody opening them. I paid attention during Greek Lit about that whole Pandora thing. You do NOT open boxes.

Whenever the garage door closes, these boxes put on Barry White songs and start multiplying.

Not included: A single clue as to what’s in the box.

Asking price: A random box from your garage, or enough C4 to atomize at least 45 boxes of stuff I’ll never look at again.

DIGITAL CAMERA

Five years ago, this was hot stuff. Small. Digital. Stick it in your pocket while you travel the world.

This is still the perfect camera for somebody learning to shoot or a starving college kid who realizes that even the smartest smart phone can’t zoom worth a damn.

Not included: Photos. You have to shoot them. Turn the dial to a setting you pretend to understand, frame the shot and push the button.

Asking price: Drive by with your windows down and I’ll happily Russel Wilson this thing into the soft cushions of your back seat.