Age and size matter not — attitude is everything

friendly friday friendly dog meme

The great thing about the Series of Tubes is that so many people are sifting through so much stuff, you’re bound to find random bits of awesomesauce. Things you would never intentionally seek out.

John Lindo is wonderfully random bit of awesomesauce, and I am happy to do a little Friendly Friday shout-out to him.

Watch this, then let’s talk about why it works, and why it went viral.

This works because there’s a massive gap between expectation and result.

As an audience, we’ve been trained to think of professional dancers as size zero models that come in male and female. They’re young, tanned and costumed. They dance with the stars, and sometimes date the stars.

John is proudly the opposite of all that. He looks like an average middle-aged dad from the suburbs and shatters your every expectation. He’s full of joy, competence and confidence. I’m not a dance expert or fan, and I’d happily watch more videos of him, and try to learn a bit from him. My wife would go nuts. If we men were crazy smart, we’d do Fight Club on Tuesdays and Thursdays, then get John to teach us to dance like this on Mondays and Wednesday while our bruises fade, then we’d surprise our wives or girlfriends on Friday nights. Continue reading “Age and size matter not — attitude is everything”

Success is often accidental

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How many times have you seen somebody trip, or do something stupid, then they act like, “Oh, I meant to do that?”

The reverse is actually more interesting: you did something random and unintentional and it turned out great.

I didn’t write a silly blog post with the intention of WordPress putting it on the front page. Which is probably why they did. You can’t force it.

Here’s that post: How weird news teaches us great storytelling

So a big thanks to the editors at WP and all the people who visited, commented and subscribed.

Some of my favorite editors OF ALL TIME

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Good judgment comes from experience, and experience comes from bad judgment. So come closer and listen to what I’ve learned from experience: Editors are a writer’s best friend.

Not when they’re patting you on the back, because anybody can butter you up.

They’re your best friend when they take a red pen and blast through your complicated writing pets, when they check your wildest instincts and find order out of the natural chaos that comes from banging on the keyboard to create anything of length and importance.

So it’s wrong to say that every writer needs an editor.

You need more than one, if you want to get serious about any sort of real writing.

It’s like building a house. As a writer, you’re trying to do it all: draft the blueprints like an architect, pour the foundation, frame it, plumb it, siding, drywall, flooring, cabinets, painting–the whole thing.

Every step is important. And getting the right editors is like hiring great subcontractors.

My bias is to think of structure first, because if the blueprints are bad, it doesn’t matter how pretty the carpentry is, and how great the writing is line by line.

This is why every professional architect hires an engineer to do the math and make sure the foundation is strong enough to hold up the house, that the roof won’t blow off and your beams are big enough to handle the load.

So you need different editors for different things. The best possible professional editor for the structure, the blueprints. Then beta readers to look over the whole thing another time, looking for medium-size problems. A line editor to smooth things out and make it all pretty, and finally a proof-reader to take a microscope to the entire thing and make it as flawless as possible.

That sounds like a lot, and most pro editors can wear different hats. But I’m going to argue for dividing it up, because when you’ve been staring at the same thing for weeks, or months, you stop seeing things. A fresh pair of eyes is always smart.

Even though I’ve always had editors, starting way back in college when I was putting out newspapers, there’s a natural inclination for writers to screw this up, to see using editors as some kind of sign of weakness. The thinking goes like this: “Hey, I have (1) a master’s degree in creative writing or (2) have been cashing checks as a journalist for years or (3) am far too talented to need the crutch of a professional editor, which is for wannabes who can’t write their way out of a paper sack if you handed them a sharpened pencil.”

I’d did editing wrong by having friends and family beta read, or asking fellow writers who yes, wrote for money, but cashed checks for doing something completely different.

And it was a waste of time.

Here’s how I learned my lesson, and no, I am not making this up: On a whim, I posted a silly ad to sell my beater Hyundai and romance authors somehow found my little blog that started from that. Pro editor Theresa Stevens got there somehow and I started talking to her, and on a whim did her standard thing to edit the first 75 pages of a novel, the synopsis and query letter. Didn’t think anything of it and expected line edits, fixing dangling modifiers and such.

But she rocked.

I learned more, in the months of editing that entire novel, than I could’ve learned in ten years on my own. It’s like the difference between a pro baseball player trying to become a better hitter by spending six hours a day in batting practice, alone, versus one hour a day in hard practice with a world-class batting coach. I’d pick the batting coach, every time.

As somebody who used to lone-wolf it, let me say this: I was wrong.

And so on this Friendly Friday, I want to plant a big smooch on editors of the world, and encourage writers of all backgrounds and specialties to see editors in a different light. That having an editor isn’t a sign of weakness, but of strength. That it says you’re crazy serious about what you do and not afraid of working with the best of the best rather than a cheerleading squad of yes-men who think your 947-word epic about elves with lightsabers riding dragons is the best thing ever.

That it’s not about you, and doing whatever you want, but about making the finest product you can give to readers.

So I want to give a shout out to Theresa the Stevens, who has taught me much, and Rebecca Dickson, my uncensored female doppleganger, and to great beta readers and editors like Alexandria SzemanJulia Rachel BarrettAnna Davis, Mayumi, Donna — because just like a single person can’t be expected to build a beautiful house alone, a smart writer gets help and advice from the smartest people possible.

Find one of those smart people with a red pen.

Hire them, hug them, listen to them, buy them flowers when you succeed. But use them, if you’re serious.

The happiest hurdler in the world deserves more screen time

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I remember seeing this clip, way back: Australian hurdler Michelle Jenneke, not nervous and freaking out before her big race — just happy to be there and filled with infectious joy.

And now she’s good-humored enough to do this video.

Happy Goddess of Australian Hurdlers, I salute you.

If anybody ever deserved to have their own reality show — a show people would actually watch to see somebody fun, instead of human train wrecks like Snooki and the cast of Jersey Shore — then it should be you, Michelle the Jenneke.

A media star is born, then goes all supernova on us

Who ever suspected that a sign-language interpreter could ROCK?

Lydia Callis has been the star of NYC Mayor Michael Bloomberg’s pressers. (That’s journalism slang for a press conference, which is PR slang for “Hey, reporters, bring your cameras and notebooks and we’ll talk about stuff.”)

Do I know sign language? No. But when I watch her, hey, even I get the gist of things. She is seven separate flavors of awesomesauce and deserves her own show, teaching kids across America sign language.

C.C. Humphreys: author, actor, fight choreographer

If you live in the Seattle, or the Kirkland — or even Denver, Portland and Instanbul  — there’s an author on tour you should meet. (See when and where below.)

C.C. Humphreys is not only a literary muffin of stud, but a former actor and FIGHT CHOREOGRAPHER (bonus points). He actually knows how to use a sword, which gives me an excuse to play the Best Swordfighting Scene in Any Movie Not Involving Lightsabers.

He’s a genuinely interesting human being, a man who speaks with one of the sweetest British accents on the planet, maybe because he grew up in the U.K. despite the fact that he is technically Canadian. Is all that legal? I DON’T KNOW.

author cc humphreys, a literary muffin of stud
Author C.C. Humphreys is a literary muffin of stud, and a genuinely decent human being. Visit his blog or visit him on his book tour. DO IT NOW.

This accent gives everything he says an extra bit of charm and gravitas, even if he’s telling you, “Listen, you’re being rather beastly.”

All you want is for him to keep talking.

So: he has a new novel out, A PLACE CALLED ARMEGEDDON, which is about the siege of Constantinople, though you have to say which siege, because the place got attacked all the time.

“Alexander the Great, what are you doing this weekend?”

“Oh, the usual. Maybe drink a bit of wine and take a long ride on one of my horses. I have a stable or six full of those things.”

“Come with us. We’re gonna sack Constantinople — it’ll be great.”

“OK, that sounds fun.”

C.C.’s novel is about the siege of 1453, a particularly good year for a siege, hearty and full. It goes well with filet mignon. Anyway: This man can write like nobody’s business, and the novel is worth it.

a place called armageddon by cc humphreys
A PLACE BY ARMAGEDDON, the latest novel by C.C. Humphreys.

Also: If you go to a writing conference and hit one of his seminars, you’ll remember him, because he puts on a show. This may be because he was an actor on stage and screen. I believe all of his grandfathers were actors, too. It’s in his blood. The man played Jack Absolute, the 007 of the 1770’s, and he also played Caleb the gladiator on an NBC series.

Also-also: most of his readers are women for some reason, even though he writes swashbuckling historical novels about battles and blood rather than romances involving men in kilts.

EITHER WAY: I truly like and respect this man, and his books. You will, too, if you (a) see him on tour, (b) buy one of his novels, (c) lurk on his blog, which you can read here, or (d) chat with him on the Twitter at the mysterious handle of @HumphreysCC.

C.C. Humphreys book tour: the when and the where

Sept. 22 & 23rd — Kirkland Book Fest, Kirkland, Washington.

Sept. 23rd at 2:30 p.m. — Elliot Bay Bookstore, Seattle, Washington

Oct. 1 at 7:30 p.m. — Tattered Cover, Denver, Colorado.

Oct. 9 at 7 p.m. — Copperfields, Petaluma, Sonoma, California.

Oct. 12 at 7 p.m. — Powell’s Books at Cedar Hills Crossing, Beaverton, Oregon.

Oct. 19 to 21 — Surrey International Writers Conference, Surrey, British Columbia, in the Canada.

Nov. 24 & 25 — Istanbul International Book Fair, Istanbul, Turkey.

Thank you, beautiful and brilliant blog readers

I’m at the same seaside cabin where my silly blog was born. Have I been kidnapped again by attorneys wielding bottles of Riesling? Maaaybe.

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So: this is a thank you to the kind and witty people who read this blog, comment, tell their peoples about posts and talk smack to me on the Twitter.

A dialogue takes more than one person. At least that’s what they tell me. THEY COULD BE LYING.