Conventional wisdom about writing is conventionally wrong.
So I’ve been on houseboats in Kerala twice now, and it’s something I’d happily do again. Beautiful.
There’s a network of canals, with rice fields below the canals and villages alongside, all connected to giant lakes. An amazing place. You sleep in the houseboats, eat there, and visit villages. Also: we ate huge local tiger shrimp with massive claws. They looked like extras from STARSHIP TROOPERS.
Bonus photo: closeup shot from the houseboat.
There’s something special about black-and-white landscapes, and not simply because Ansel Adams turned the genre into an art form. This is a stretch of the Columbia River, which is not in Columbia at all, but in Washington state — not to be confused with Washington, D.C., with the D.C. standing for “District of Columbia.” It’s like they WANT us to be confused.
There’s a petrified forest near where I shot this, and on the other side of the river, a row of giant steel horse sculptures that you can hike up to see. Worth your time, if you’re driving on I-90 and need a break. The entire northwest corner of ‘Murica is glorious to photograph: Washington state, Alaska, Hawaii — you could spend a lifetime hauling around a Nikon of Infinite Beauty and shooting up the place. I recommend it.
Shot this at a wedding rehearsal dinner for a cousin, who got married in an actual castle. NOT TOO SHABBY.
Also: we drove around Germany, Belgium, Austria and such in the Citroen of Itty Bittiness, which could get up to about 160 kilometers per hour before shaking to pieces. Everyone is required to rent a car in Europe and zoom-zoom on the Autobahn, which will make you come back to ‘Murica and think that 70 miles an hour is completely nancypants.
Here’s a gratuitous shot of the Citroen, and yes, it had a red roof for some reason. Nobody knew why.
So this man spends his time (a) shooting horrifically beautiful photos by (b) putting on shorts and (c) taking a waterproof camera into (d) giant waves on the shores of a tropical beach.
He’s making money doing it, and it all started accidentally. Check out some of the photos and how he gets them.
Epic, right? Love the shots and it’s got to be fun getting those shots. My brother-in-law, David the Fellow Swede, taught me to bodysurf on a beach in Kerala, India, which we did for days, so I know the joy of having waves tumble and smash you across the sand and rocks again and again. THERE IS STILL SAND IN MY LEFT EAR. Good times. And this guy is tackling massive waves that could do more than separate his shoulder. Hey, if it’s not dangerous, it’s not rock and roll.
I am a semi-literate photographer who’s lugged the Nikon of Infinite Beauty all over the place, and this man should inspire every photographer to think differently.
However: copying this man won’t work. The first person to paint a canvas black got semi-famous, and sure that took guts and imagination, or possibly a lot of drugs in the ’60s and overthinking the whole thing. The second and third people to paint a canvas black got ignored.
Why are these ducks gathering together? I can’t decide if it’s the beginning of an invasion, a giant duck dance party or a flash mob.
Or maybe they’re fleeing the second horde of zombie ducks. Hard to say.
But they’re certainly talking a lot, and seem determined to do SOMETHING, whatever that may be.
These aren’t circus bears who’ve been trained for years and have a net to catch them.
These are giant, furry beasts out in the wild, climbing some insane cliff. And yeah, if they slip and fall, it’s a pretty good bet the trophy shop has a Darwin Award waiting for them. So this was tense to watch, and impressive. Go, bears, go. Climb away.
Related: there’s a Canadian man who’s devoted decades to creating an anti-bear suit, something that would stand up to a grizzly attack. Troy Hurtibise then has friends hit him with cricket bats and pickup trucks, or he goes full Ewok and lets friends send logs flying through the air to crush him.
Impressive, and also begging for a Darwin Award — but well done, sir.
The Best Exchange Student in History tells me everybody over in the former Soviet Union has dash cams in their cars, as insurance against nonsense like shady cops or people lying about who caused an accident.
I think it’s really because of the humor value of all the crazy stuff that happens on the road.
That’s the context for the clip above.
Now here’s a compilation of actual dash-cam footage, and yes, it’s stranger than fiction.
As somebody who drives a rural highway and sees some weird and wild things most weeks, this makes me want to install a dash cam.
I understand an octopus, a squid and a clam. Clams have shells. Squids and octopuses (octopi?) have tentacles and such.
But this alien beast has a shell — inside its body.
The cuttlefish’s bone is made of aragonite, the same special metal used to graft Wolverine’s claws and skeleton* and Captain America’s shield** — but not Thor’s hammer, which came from the heart of a dead star.***
Plus it’s got all kinds of other mutant super powers, like a poisoned beak, tentacles, a giant brain, secret alien-like jaws that sneak out of nowhere to eat fish — and color changing powers that make it practically invisible.
Think you’re iPhone’s fancy Retina screen is amazing? The cuttlefish has 200 iridophores and eucophores per square millimeter, which equals out to 359 dots per inch. Want one of those 4k screens but don’t have $10,000 to buy one? Make friends with a herd of cuttlefish and get them to spread out on your living room wall, then fire up THE MATRIX, but not the two sequels, which were a waste of Keanu Reeve’s precious time and $279 million in CGI effects.
Here’s a good look at the cuttlefish from my favorite animal documentary series on the planet, True Facts:
*Note to comic book gurus: Yes, I’m kidding. Wolverine’s claws and such are made of adamantium, which is created when titanium dioxide reaches the earth’s mantle and is compressed by millions of pounds per square inch at 4,500 degrees Celsius, then remerges to the surface through millions of years of plate tectonics along with the help of all kinds of Red Bulls and shots of bourbon while the comic book writers at Marvel try to make it all sound two-thirds scientific, one-third magical and 143 percent awesome.
**Also, the famous shield of Captain America is actually made of vibranium, a real metal alloy that’s also used in the manufacture of the B-2 stealth bomber because of its unique radar-absorbing properties. Vibranium is only found in one place: the southern pole of Mars, meaning all traces of it on earth came from a massive asteroid striking the pole and sending debris raining down upon Africa, the only continent where vibranium can now be mined. Buying this so far? Okay. There are these penny stocks, and if you know which ones to buy, you can turn ten cents into a dollar, $1 into $100 — and $100 into $100,000. All you have to is subscribe to my financial newsletter to learn the secrets of true wealth that Wall Street doesn’t want you to know.
***Actually, that part is true. Dead star, all the way. Not making it up.
Crows are wicked smart. I’ve watched them pick up nuts, fly, then drop them on the asphalt.
This wild crow, nicknamed 007, solved a crazy complicated puzzle the very first time he saw it.
Brilliant. It’s one thing for smart birds to show off after they’ve been trained for a lifetime to, I don’t know, sing Broadway tunes or tell dirty jokes. It’s another thing for a wild crow to pop in, spot some yummy food in the puzzle and do all this stuff using tools to get at it.
I believe octopus (octupi?) can do similar stuff, like unscrewing jars and such, so it’s only a matter of time before the SyFy Channel comes up with CROWTOPUS EATS MANHATTAN and then CROWTOPUS VERSUS SHARKNADO.
So it’s the Snowpocalypse up here, and in nearby Portland two joggers paused to give a TV reporter the benefit of their wisdom, and to expound on the great texture of the snow for running.
The Red Pen of Doom 