They tell me it’s July, and summer, and I do see a burning ball of fire in the sky that confuses us here in the Pacific Northwest.
So: that means it’s the time of year where we all hit the beach, which means it’s also time for silly monster movies. Bring on the sharks, and the sharks crossed with an octopus. I kid you not.
To whet your appetite, I give you Snuffy the Seal — which you will watch six times, and show all your friends, because it is that good — and an epic round-up of every monstrous shark movie that’s so bad, it circles back to good.
SNUFFY THE SEAL
This is an instant classic, and I can’t think of any way to improve it. The roving reporter is perfectly perky, the anchor’s Hair Helmet and reaction is priceless, and the timing is comedy gold.
Shark movies were fresh and new, I don’t know, back in the 1970s, when Spielberg came out with JAWS.
Tornado movies were hot for a bit. Remember TWISTER?
So I give you SHARKNADO, because the only thing more terrifying than a gang of sharks in the water or a raging tornado is a raging tornado with its own gang of sharks.
Julia Robert’s brother is in this stinker. I’ve actually seen the whole thing. It’s packed chock full of cray-cray.
You’re sitting by the pool in Hollywood, drinking a pitcher of margaritas with your screenwriter buddy who’s written a bunch of B movies. And you think, what if there was an anaconda crossed with a piranha? YES!
JAWS meets JURRASIC PARK, and the offspring is ugly.
I love this movie simply for the crazy scene in the trailer of the shark jumping into the water to decapitate a man with a shotgun on land, then land in a different section of swamp. How can you top that?
6 thoughts on “Snuffy the Seal, plus an epic round-up of Shark Movie Goodness”
Jaws is the most iconic. I couldn’t even take a bath for a year, let alone swim. (Took showers.)
I still won’t go in the water.
Thanks so much for sharing these. I laughed for five minutes watching them–even Mayumi-H’s clip. Do you think they are trying for a seriously scary movie when they make these, or do they just try to make it as hilarious as possible? I always wonder. 😀
I believe, deep in my soul, that they’re trying hard to make a scary movie and lack the skill. Or they are seriously drunk the entire shoot.
JAWS remains one of my favorite films of all time, if for no other reason than that gorgeous Milius-penned Quint monologue about serving on the USS Indianapolis. And, I still love the simple shark, even if seeing the shadow of one beneath a wave makes me wee my wetsuit. But some of these flicks…!
I’d actually add another truly terrible one to the mix (which I also own, for some mysterious reason): “Shark Attack 3: Megalodon.” Just skip the first 2 films; they can’t even compare to this kind of hilarity.
I actually love cheesy monster movies. They are far, far better than teenage slasher films.