Movie trailer critique: THE AVENGERS and TOTAL RECALL

True movie fans actually HATE getting to the theater late, despite the fact that there are 20 minutes of trailers, because true movie fans loooove trailers.

Sidenote 1: Nobody who hearts the movies calls them “previews.”

Sidenote 2: Yes, there used to be these places with giant screens and popcorn that costs $8. This was before people watched movies on Netflix, their iPhone or some secret pirate channel on the Series of Tubes.

I just saw SAFE on opening day with Jason Statham, who ate $7.50 worth of my $8 popcorn, but did I complain? No. Jason the Statham is a lot like Reacher (while Tom Cruise is NOTHING like Reacher) in that he’s not that handsome of a man, and not a one-note tough guy, but men want to be him and women want to be with him. Jason the Statham just has charm in a non-smarmy way. Anyway, every flipping trailer for SAFE was for flicks from Lionsgate, and they all featured Bruce Willis, Jason Statham or Bruce Willis AND Jason Statham (EXPENDABLES 2).

HOWEVER: We are gathered together to talk about a bunch of other trailers.

The Good

Here’s the original trailer for THE AVENGERS, which opens this Friday, May 4. Marvel, you know where to mail the check.

What say you?

I’ll go see it. IRON MAN was great, though IRON MAN 2 buried the bad guy, Mickey the Rourke, under seven separate layers of sidekicks and nonsense, including Sam Jackson wearing an eyepatch for some reason. Also: How can anybody take you seriously as a bad guy or a leading man when your first name is Mickey, as in Mouse?

CAPTAIN AMERICA was a shocking amount fun. I expected it to suck. Even THOR was entertaining, though every time I saw the rainbow bridge thing, I expected to see My Little Ponies to show up.

The Bad

AVENGERS ON A BUDGET is so purposefully bad that it’s well-done.

I salute you, random people who created this little film.

The Ugly

TOTAL RECALL (2012)

Now, the original TOTAL RECALL was good, campy fun that didn’t take itself too seriously.

TOTAL RECALL (1990)

This remake is (a) far too serious, (b) looks like a bad cross between MINORITY REPORT and THE FIFTH ELEMENT and (c) doesn’t even go to Mars.

Let’s think about that. They don’t go to Mars at all. Arnold would be hacked off.

 

 

6 thoughts on “Movie trailer critique: THE AVENGERS and TOTAL RECALL

  1. Guy, you totally ruined my day. I didn’t know Total Recall had had a make-over. Yuck. Why can’t they leave the good stuff alone? Paul Verhoeven will be crying his eyes out, I hope. I know I do. Has the whole Hollywood scene lost their imagination, or is it just big dollar signs in those executive eyes? Either way, I do not like. I would give you a Conan the Barbarian look if I could, but what’s the point?

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  2. First I think you have a My Little Pony obsession, which is okay because my daughter does too.
    Second, The Avengers trailer looks so damn good it’s sold me on the movie, despite the fact that the trailer (and Robert Downey, Jr.) may be the best things about the movie. Thor is pure eye candy. Sigh… Captain America sucked, but not as bad as Green Lantern, which I found un-watch-able. Not sure about Scarlet Johannson (sic?).
    Total Recall is one of my husband’s favorite campy sci fi movies and he is not going to be happy about a remake. Jeez! It didn’t come out all that long ago.
    And dear lord, save me from Tom Cruise. I haven’t liked him since Risky Business.

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