Conventional wisdom about writing is typically half-baked nonsense that: (a) takes 394-pages of text to explain, in insane detail, some writer’s system involving 3 x5 index cards, yellow highlighters and Lazy Susans, (b) tells writers to find their happy place and write at the same time every day, or (c) obsesses about microscopic details like split infinitives and dangling modifiers.*
This blog is meant to cut through all that garbage.
It’s a place for writers of all types — novelists and journalists, speechwriters and screenwriters — to strip away the window dressing and theories, to get down to the essential guts of all good writing. Which really is editing and structure.
Also, it’s an excuse to talk about (a) the real reasons why Snooki is famous, (b) how creative folks should use free ink and airtime to bust through and (c) why Norwegian zombie movies can teach us Very Important Things about storytelling.
I hope you find the blog useful, and entertaining. My promise to you: I shall never be Boring.**
*The Dangling Modifiers would be a great name for a punk rock band.
**Though it won’t be boring, the blog tries to be safe for work and such, which means please do your part by keeping it clean in the comment section. No photos of Men in Kilts who’ve lost their kilts or comments that use all of the FCC’s Seven Dirty Words as adjectives, nouns, verbs, adverbs and prepositions. I don’t want to be the Comment Police, though I do enjoy deleting comments that are TSTL.
Also: It’s true this blog started out randomly, when I posted a craigslist ad to sell my beater Hyundai and learned that craigslist kills your ad after two weeks. The ad needed a home and my wicked smart sister said, “WordPress, you fool.” That silly ad went viral. Here it is: Epic Black Car deserves good owner; are you worthy?
Also-also: I hate semi-colons, so that may be the first and last time they ever get used here.
Also-cubed: Now, I do this for fun, and for free, so another possible title for this silly blog would be The Land of Crazy First Drafts, Full of Typos and Whatever, because this blog is not copy edited or anything. I HAVE NO TIME. If you see horrible offenses against the English language, please shout. By shouting, I mean “post a comment” so I can fix it. Thank you.
The Red Pen of Doom 
I like it, I think.
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Oh my word, I am so glad I found you! Yes, yes, YES! Finally so much of what I hate about my writing makes sense.
Shit. Just realized you expected wit. Oh well … sucks to be you, I guess. But I’ll be around; better luck next time… 🙂
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Here’s the thing, having little wit myself I truly appreciate wit in others. I have had flings and affairs with those low life limericks. People should write, writing rules are important for those who don’t write well, far less relevant for those who write well. However, rules or no rules, there are those who create amazing worlds and pull readers into those worlds. They do it because, consciously or unconsciously they have a mastery of words, and usage of words. Patrick O’Brian, Susannah Clarke, yes an ever Terry Pratchett handle language in a way that creates worlds more intensely than many other writers, regardless of the books they sell.
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Thanks Guy. Pleased to have discovered you here and looking forward to reading more. Regards from Thom at the immortal jukebox (drop a nickel)
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I had to stop and check out a blog with such a title as this as a loved one frequently uses the terms, The [whatever taskmaster calls it] of doom… An hour later, I’m captivated. Good stuff here.
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I’m sorry, I have to disagree WHY WOULD YOU SAY SUCH A THING SEMICOLONS ARE AWESOME!! ;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;
I’m sure you have a good reason for disliking them; I just think they’re cool.
P.S. Awesome blog.
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You just put a up curve to my lips. Thank you
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You had me at ‘I hate semi-colons’.
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Thanks for the Twitter follow, and I’m glad to have found you! Looking forward to reading more!
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Seen your page after tryna pimp books (your phrase not mine) along with both my heart and soul on twitter. This as well as all the other worn out crap was taking its toll, to tell you the truth it was tiring yanno? Anyhoos thought hey I like this guy so I read on. The car advert by the way is a master class lol.
. So am gonna stop pimping and start writing more. Am all on it like a scotch bonnet mister, ya got a new pal from Liverpool England by the way my book is called …………… hee hee!!
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*Contributing writer for The New York Times about.com, doing 200-some posts as their expert on public relations*
A comma between Times and about would just about fix the problem here. Or you could make it a real sentence. I dunno.
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I’ll make it an unreal sentence or a surreal sentence. Possibly an undead sentence — haven’t decided.
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Came across your page looking up the Blue Dragon, you’re pretty funny man, and your penchant for random yet well placed jokes is spot on. Kudos and keep it up.
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Thank you for your insight, experience, wit and advice put all together in one place. It’s for all these things and more that I’ve nominated you for the Reader Appreciation Award. Not quite a witty comment, but many of your posts have enough of them to make up it :).
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I have had my share of subs and editors who were obsessed with ze split infinitive and would start foaming if I spoke about how the English language is evolving as we speak.. I normally advice people to write, step away, cook or watch TV, then come back and edit before sending it….or give it to someone else.. even if you are an editor…
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Love the blog and especially your style. Quick witted and sharp tongued – and I know that sounds cliched but it’s also exactly how I feel either way I’m a fan and will continue to read your stuff. Thanks.
Also, I was curious as to where you heard about my blog, or the site – goodpulp.com. I noticed you subscribed to my blog and was curious as to where you stumbled upon it. Thanks again.
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My, you are quite good looking. How come not the picture of your bad handsome self on the Twitter? Afraid all the girls will fall in love with you? Be still, my heart. Love, A
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Thank you so much for following my blog! Just clicked the “follow” button on yours.
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Thanks for the follow. Enjoying your blog and following it now… reading bits of posts to my wife. Interesting and helpful advice. I have to agree with you re: Livia. Amazing material there.
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Love your blog! Thanks for following mine so I could find yours. 🙂 It’s what it’s all about, right?
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One of the best blogs around, and is it says in the ad “never boring”!
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Couldn’t understand why this guy Guy kept appearing on my Twitter pages. Finally decided to explore further and came across this brilliant blog. Inspiring stuff, thank you. Maybe my half-written book will get finished after all….
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This man rocks. And like pirate movies. Four stars.
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I completely concur with your (a) (b) (c) comment. Thanks for putting out such an insightful blog.
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Thanks for visiting, and commenting.
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Normally I’m against killing but this article slahutgered my ignorance.
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