Listen: it’s hard enough to make it as a rock star, or any sort of musician. So props to Vince Neil for becoming a star in the first place.
HOWEVER: it is a sin against the rock gods, and possibly a class B felony, to sell concert tickets that cost as much as the average American’s mortgage when you are (a) entirely too trashed to sing, (b) unable to sing without a killer team of audio engineers in the studio, or (c) too lazy to memorize the lyrics to a song you’ve been singing for, I don’t know, 30 years.
Here’s a video of the crime in progress:
So yeah, Bad Lip Reading wouldn’t touch this, since it’d be like a 300-pound defensive end for the Seahawks hopping into a Pee Wee Football game. There’s no challenge.
Here’s the original, so you know that actual lyrics to this song DO exist.
And yeah, the lyrics are not insanely hard to remember.
THE ACTUAL LYRICS
Lyrics from azlyrics.com, which is like the musical oracle to me:
KICKSTART MY HEART by Motley Crue
When I get high
I get high on speed
Top fuel funny car’s
A drug for me
My heart, my heart
Kickstart my heart
Always got the cops
Coming after me
Custom built bike doing 103
My heart, my heart
Kickstart my heart
Ooh, are you ready girls?
Ooh, are you ready now?
Whoa, yeah
Kickstart my heart
Give it a start
Whoa, yeah, baby
Whoa, yeah
Kickstart my heart
Hope it never stops
Whoa, yeah, baby
Yeah
Skydive naked
From an aeroplane
Or a lady with a
Body from outer space
My heart, my heart
Kickstart my heart
Say I got trouble
Trouble in my eyes
I’m just looking for another good time
My heart, my heart
Kickstart my heart
Yeah, are you ready girls?
Yeah, are you ready now?
Whoa, yeah
Kickstart my heart
Give it a start
Whoa, yeah, baby
Whoa, yeah
Kickstart my heart
Hope it never stops
Whoa, yeah, baby
Kickstart my heart
When we started this band
All we needed, needed was a laugh
Years gone by…
I’d say we’ve kicked some ass
When I’m enraged
Or hittin’ the stage
Adrenaline rushing
Through my veins
And I’d say we’re still kickin’ ass
I said, ooh, ah
Kickstart my heart
Hope it never stops
And to think, we did all of this to rock
Whoa, yeah
Kickstart my heart
Give it a start
Whoa, yeah, baby
Whoa, yeah
Kickstart my heart
Hope it never stops
Whoa, yeah, baby
Whoa, yeah
Kickstart my heart
Hope it never stops
Whoa, yeah, baby
Whoa, yeah
Kickstart my heart
Give it a start
Okay, boys, let’s rock the house
That’s all
Kickstart my heart
VERDICT
Listen, I get it that everybody’s got bills to pay: alimony, child support, rehab, attorneys, bail, a team of hairdressers, PR folks, agents, roadies, dealers. Some of those folks are expensive.
And I understand the life cycle of a rock band involves starting out playing birthday keggers and living in the van until you get that one break and a hit song and maybe a killer album and a serious concert tour and piles of cash and a lead singer who thinks he’s better than the band and a band that breaks up and a solo career that goes nowhere and a bunch of middle-aged dudes who need to pay the mortgage and that’s why they’re playing at your county fair. I’ve seen VH1: BEHIND THE MUSIC.
But I also understand that life has second acts, and sometimes third acts. Professional athletes not named Tom Brady often understand this. Your average NFL career lasts three years. Three. So smart pro athletes, rock stars, actors, and other famous peoples save their pennies, invest those pennies, and plan for a second career when they inevitably get hurt or too old for this stuff.
Vince Neil is too old for this stuff. He’s not the science experiment known as Keith Richards, who can never die. As a human being, he needs to consider other ways to make money, or find meaning, aside from grabbing the microphone and disgracing the memory of songs that fans would like to remember in a better way.
But maybe the money is too good. Dunno. Not buying a ticket.
The Red Pen of Doom 