Tag: concerts

Somebody grab Vince Neil and kickstart his heart

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Listen: it’s hard enough to make it as a rock star, or any sort of musician. So props to Vince Neil for becoming a star in the first place.

HOWEVER: it is a sin against the rock gods, and possibly a class B felony, to sell concert tickets that cost as much as the average American’s mortgage when you are (a) entirely too trashed to sing, (b) unable to sing without a killer team of audio engineers in the studio, or (c) too lazy to memorize the lyrics to a song you’ve been singing for, I don’t know, 30 years.

Here’s a video of the crime in progress:

So yeah, Bad Lip Reading wouldn’t touch this, since it’d be like a 300-pound defensive end for the Seahawks hopping into a Pee Wee Football game. There’s no challenge.

Here’s the original, so you know that actual lyrics to this song DO exist.

And yeah, the lyrics are not insanely hard to remember.

THE ACTUAL LYRICS

Lyrics from azlyrics.com, which is like the musical oracle to me:

KICKSTART MY HEART by Motley Crue

When I get high
I get high on speed
Top fuel funny car’s
A drug for me
My heart, my heart
Kickstart my heart
Always got the cops
Coming after me
Custom built bike doing 103
My heart, my heart
Kickstart my heart

Ooh, are you ready girls?
Ooh, are you ready now?
Whoa, yeah
Kickstart my heart
Give it a start
Whoa, yeah, baby

Whoa, yeah
Kickstart my heart
Hope it never stops
Whoa, yeah, baby
Yeah

Skydive naked
From an aeroplane
Or a lady with a
Body from outer space
My heart, my heart
Kickstart my heart
Say I got trouble
Trouble in my eyes
I’m just looking for another good time
My heart, my heart
Kickstart my heart

Yeah, are you ready girls?
Yeah, are you ready now?

Whoa, yeah
Kickstart my heart
Give it a start
Whoa, yeah, baby
Whoa, yeah
Kickstart my heart
Hope it never stops
Whoa, yeah, baby

Kickstart my heart

When we started this band
All we needed, needed was a laugh
Years gone by…
I’d say we’ve kicked some ass
When I’m enraged
Or hittin’ the stage
Adrenaline rushing
Through my veins
And I’d say we’re still kickin’ ass

I said, ooh, ah
Kickstart my heart
Hope it never stops
And to think, we did all of this to rock

Whoa, yeah
Kickstart my heart
Give it a start
Whoa, yeah, baby
Whoa, yeah
Kickstart my heart
Hope it never stops
Whoa, yeah, baby

Whoa, yeah
Kickstart my heart
Hope it never stops
Whoa, yeah, baby

Whoa, yeah
Kickstart my heart
Give it a start
Okay, boys, let’s rock the house

That’s all

Kickstart my heart

VERDICT

Listen, I get it that everybody’s got bills to pay: alimony, child support, rehab, attorneys, bail, a team of hairdressers, PR folks, agents, roadies, dealers. Some of those folks are expensive.

And I understand the life cycle of a rock band involves starting out playing birthday keggers and living in the van until you get that one break and a hit song and maybe a killer album and a serious concert tour and piles of cash and a lead singer who thinks he’s better than the band and a band that breaks up and a solo career that goes nowhere and a bunch of middle-aged dudes who need to pay the mortgage and that’s why they’re playing at your county fair. I’ve seen VH1: BEHIND THE MUSIC.

But I also understand that life has second acts, and sometimes third acts. Professional athletes not named Tom Brady often understand this. Your average NFL career lasts three years. Three. So smart pro athletes, rock stars, actors, and other famous peoples save their pennies, invest those pennies, and plan for a second career when they inevitably get hurt or too old for this stuff.

Vince Neil is too old for this stuff. He’s not the science experiment known as Keith Richards, who can never die. As a human being, he needs to consider other ways to make money, or find meaning, aside from grabbing the microphone and disgracing the memory of songs that fans would like to remember in a better way.

But maybe the money is too good. Dunno. Not buying a ticket.

Video

Okay, fine–let’s admit the brilliance of DON’T GO BREAKING MY HEART by the Backstreet Boys

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I come not to bury the Backstreet Boys, but to praise them.

And yes, this is praise from the most unlikely of sources. I don’t personally hate this band, or anybody in it–they’re just not my cup of tea. Now, it’s different with others who are inherently annoying. Justin Bieber could show up at my front door with a suitcase stuffed with $3.75 million dollars while singing original compositions about my virtues and it would STILL rub me wrong.

So you’d expect me to take a scalpel to any one of the Backstreet Boys songs, old or new, or any random song from New Kids on the Block or Nsync, and no, I couldn’t tell these three bands apart except for the fact that one of them included a young Justin Timberlake before he hired Jason Statham to make a daring escape in a black BMW. (Note: Timberlake is one of the dudes wearing a ski mask.)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6xewS5I4Eho

So why would I go against every instinct in my body and praise a video by the Backstreet Boys?

Here’s why:

(1) Radio is the great equalizer

Since I drive about two hours a day, 99 percent of music comes to me in a blind taste test, like Pepsi versus Coke except there’s no carbonated sugar water involved.

This song hit my radio and honestly, I had no idea it was Backstreet Boys–could’ve been any boy band, whether you’re talking current UK newbies or a Nostalgic Throwback Tour Because Yo, We Got Kids and Need to Pay the Mortgage.

Honestly, for a pop song, this is good. The lyrics are nothing to spend time dissecting, and the song won’t go on my running playlist or anything. But the song isn’t actively annoying, which is better than most of the stuff I hear on the radio. Not once did I rush to change radio stations, skip forward on Pandora or cover my ears in pain. That’s the acid test right there, empirical proof that despite my anti boy-band bias, the song holds up.

(2) Their fans will love it

What’s the purpose of a song like this? It’s not to get people like me to buy their stuff on iTunes or shell out serious money for a concert ticket.

They don’t need to generate name ID or start from scratch. This music video is for their fans, which is people who loved them back when they were on top of the world.

That’s a massive, built-in audience. When you start with an old fan base of millions and millions around the world, you only need to excite a fraction of that audience to pay the bills.

And I bet you all those old fans adored this new song.

(3) The video gets the job done

Music videos these days are expensive, with budgets in the millions not unusual.

Clearly, they spared no expense on this one.

So why do it, aside from letting singers scratch the acting itch?

A good music video adds to the song by (a) telling a story, (b) showing off the dancing skills of the singer/band or (c) giving you a taste of what a live concert might feel and sound like.

The Backstreet Boys are on tour, and these days the music business doesn’t really make money from selling music. The real cash comes from concerts.

If you grew up listening to these guys, and now you’re an adult with some scratch instead of a teenager raiding the change jar, this video probably makes you want to see the band live. Because hey, they clearly put on a good show.

VERDICT: I have to admire the brilliance of this comeback song and video. Fans of the Backstreet Boys will adore this song and video, so congrats on a well-performed comeback.