The Red Pen of Doom

Conventional wisdom about writing is conventionally wrong.

Guest posting goodness and joining forces to take over the Series of Tubes

It’s time to expand this little blog.

I’ve taken on journalism and PR interns before, college kids looking for a platform and a place to get clips. Was happy to do it. They’ve graduated and are off in the world, kicking butt.

Soon, I’ll be insanely busy for about six months, and people will wonder if I’m alive until and I re-emerge like a groundhog crawling from his hole and blinking at the sunlight, except whether I see my shadow won’t portend anything momentous, like spring, winter or nuclear winter, and Bill Murray won’t kidnap me in a pickup truck, despite the fact I would happily participate.

Guest posting goodness

When people ask to do guest posts, I’ve been all, “Get off my lawn” in the worst Old Grouchy Clint Who Talks to Chairs way, not the young, hipper Clint Who Says Nothing While Shooting Everyone in those amazing spaghetti Westerns.

get-off-my-lawn

Until now. Because I can’t write All The Things while doing my day job and magically finishing novels on weekends.

From this day forth, Red Pen of Doom is open to guest posts.

Common-sense rules apply: no point in reprinting whatever you’ve also posted to your blog, and yes, that includes whatever shiny new thing Silicon Valley invented this week that college kids are using while Grandma is busy posting every embarrassing photo of you from 7th grade on Facebook, which is so 2005.

Also: every guest post should be in character with the rest of the blog.

That means finding interesting things–books, movies, music videos, ads, speeches, weird news, photographs–that are either (a) insanely good or (b) horrifyingly bad, then (c) taking them apart to see why they are the epitome of excellence or the worst of the worst.

Mediocre things, of whatever type and variety, are neither fun nor interesting. We let them wallow in their sad, lukewarm, mediocre juices.

Joining forces to take over the Series of Tubes

If you want a more regular gig, dive deep on whatever topic you love, whether it’s zombies movies or novels about men in kilts and the women who love them.

I’ve gotten to know writers, editors and speechwriters all over the globe from this little blog, and there’s a ton of talent out there. Some of you don’t have an established home on the interwebs to post your stuff.

Pick a day and your favorite thing. Go for it.

I don’t monetize this site, so there’s are no suitcases stuffed with twenties involved. HOWEVER: for anyone who needs clips, a reliable platform that isn’t starting from scratch and a spiffy title that looks good on your resume, we should talk.

Here are the days and categories, along with possible niches and fancy titles I made up right now.

That’s the fun part: nothing is off limits.

Music Video Monday

Sample post: ICE, ICE BABY as interpreted by the Red Pen of Doom

  • Music Editor (alternative titles: Rock God, The Prince of Punk, Curator of Obscure ’80s Hair Bands)
  • Sultan of TV Singing Contests
  • Editor-at-Large for Making Fun of Nickelback

Tinseltown Tuesday

Sample post: Hollywood: Sidekicks do NOT need their own stupid sidekicks

  • Action Movie Aficionado
  • Literary Movie Snob
  • Jedi Master of Sci-Fi
  • Explainer-in-Chief of Westworld
  • Marvel vs. DC, Because These Movies WILL NEVER STOP

Writing Secrets Wednesday

Sample post: Why NaNoWriMo is noble nuttiness–and 8 steps to make it easier (WordPress put this on the front page)

  • Lord of High Literature
  • Empress of Entertaining Trash
  • Reviewer of Thrilling Mysteries, Mysterious Thrillers and Romantic Suspense
  • Editor of All Things Editing (proofreading, copy editing, structural editing)
  • Romance Editor
  • Contributing Editor in Charge of Making Fun of Popular Novels Which Should Not Be Popular At All

Random Thursday

Sample post: How weird news teaches us great storytelling (WordPress put this on the front page, too—thanks, guys)

  • Crown Princess of Cat Memes
  • Weird News, Dumb Criminals and Darwin Award Winners (alternative title: Florida Man)
  • Funny YouTube Videos That are Actually Funny

Friendly Friday

Sample post: Some of my favorite editors OF ALL TIME

  • Manging Editor for Profiling People Worth Profiling
  • Queen of Q & A
  • Who-To-Follow Columnist

Social Media Saturday

Sample post: Top 10 Myths of Journalism School

  • Master of the Twitter
  • Newsroom Nonsense
  • Facebook Fiend
  • Public Relations Goddess
  • Speechwriting Guru

Survival Sunday

Sample post: Zombie movies are NOT standard horror movies

  • Editor-at-Large for Surviving the Apocalypse
  • Zombie Movie Guru
  • Hippie Granola Prepper Expert, Because Right-Wing Preppers Kinda Frighten Us
  • Practical Self-Defense Tips for People Who Are Not Young Men Fighting in MMA

Boss-Level Stuff

Anything goes here. This blog could be called Land of the Insanely Fast First Drafts, and I do nothing in terms of search optimization and all that technical internet stuff. I drink coffee, type 124 words per minute and hit publish. Some of you are experts in this stuff.

  • Proofreader / Copy Editor / Wrangler of Random Typos (need this desparately desperately)
  • Managing Editor
  • Comptroller (just because nobody knows what this is, and it amuses me)
  • Tech Wizard Who Plugs Into the Matrix to Control the Series of Tubes

How this works

Just get in touch however you like–the comment section of this post, on Twitter @speechwriterguy or via secret emails. Happy to chat, and best of luck with whatever you’re working on.

###

This is Guy Bergstrom the writer, not the Guy Bergstrom in Stockholm or the guy in Minnesota who sells real estate or whatever. Separate guys. Kthxbai.

Guy Bergstrom. Photo by Suhyoon Cho.

Reformed journalist. Scribbler of speeches and whatnot. Represented by Jill Marr of the Sandra Dijkstra Literary Agency.

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About Guy Bergstrom

Reformed journalist. Scribbler of speeches and whatnot.

One comment on “Guest posting goodness and joining forces to take over the Series of Tubes

  1. itsmayurremember
    December 2, 2016

    This sounds amazing! However my writing is a little different than yours the same way the sky and ground are different

    Liked by 1 person

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