Reading times for famous book-like objects

Reading times for these famous piles of dead trees

Okay, I’m surprised that George R.R.R.R.R.R.R. Martin wins this contest, though for some reason they skipped over Stephen the King, who may be a literary god, but who also can turn a grocery list into 1,034 pages featuring an evil clown.

Here’s the link to the original post, and God bless them for doing this.

Also, J.R.R. Tolkien gets credit for writing some kind of 60-page prologue to LORD OF THE RINGS that was like some sophomore history sociology major’s paper on hobbits and elves. It put the B in Boring and made me throw the book across the room, which was hard to do since I was on a beach in Maui, drinking margaritas and in the Best Mood Ever.

Also-also: J.R.R. Tolkien gets double-credit for starting the whole stupid trend of fantasy and sci-fi authors, male and female, renouncing first names in favor of initials for some reason. The trend will continue and hipster authors writing about elves with lightsabers riding dragons will, within ten years, pick pen names like “GRRRRR the Grizzly Bear” and “Sw33tn3ss M00nb3&m the Z0mbi3k1ll3r” and “Darth Elvis Skywalker III.” Bonus points if you indie-publish a book with any of those pen-names.

15 thoughts on “Reading times for famous book-like objects

  1. Guy, have you read the Malazan, Books of the Fallen series. That seems much longer that ASOIAF to me. Although I liked Martin’s stuff better. It is easier to read and keep track of names. Malazan is a mess unless you have a list of names next to you while you read. lol

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  2. The Great Gatsby took me way too long considering how short it is. I just have a hard time making myself read something when I can tell it’s turning out badly. It’s like the brain version of a flinch.

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  3. I finished Twilight in a few hours because I HAD TO KNOW what was going to happen, even though it meant staying up into the wee hours of the morn (& to my credit so did my husband when I gave it to him to read).
    I picked up Gone with the Wind thinking I would be bored (had already seen the movie) & loved how fat & sprawling it was.
    Still trying to get through Moby Dick though…

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  4. Infinite Jest took me to infinity because after three attempts I still can’t get through it.

    Though I did almost experience eternity when I told someone I didn’t really care for George RRRRRRRRRRRRRRR Martin’s style.

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  5. Waded through MOBYDICK ans WAR AND PEACE first time each, but smooth sailing subsequent times.

    Flew through the Lemony Snickett Series of Unfortunate events, at least the 1st 6 volumes, because he was so witty & clever & like obviously having so much fun.

    Last 6 of Lemony Snickett series obviously under contract & author threatened with Monsieur Guillotine by publisher because author so blatantly bored that I had to speed-read books just to find out what happened, then wanted to slap author because last book made no sense.

    Don’t even get me started on the Harry Potter Game of Thrones Hobbittry conglomeration as I hate made-up words that take 1/2 to pronounce and slow down my reading time and make me want to throw books at people with initials & no names to hide gender but with their photos on back cover.

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  6. I finished Gone Girl over the course of two days–and that includes the time I took to raise my fist to the heavens and curse the ending.

    Eleanor & Park took me less time than that (though I had to sacrifice sleep and my family had to sacrifice communicating with me in order to do so).

    “Totally worth it,” say the members of my family.

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    1. Yep – took me about two. I think my attention span is getting shorter the older I get. And I have never even thought about game of thrones, either. I am fully with you on this.

      In fact, I like a stand alone story. Most of my favourite books are probably less than 100,000 words.

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      1. Me too! Some of my favorites on this list had some of the shortest reading times. I like an author that can get to the point. Had Hunger Games or Twilight gone on any longer I would have bailed.

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