My friend Max (short for Maxima, though if it were short for Maximus that would also be cool in a GLADIATOR way) has introduced me to Macklemore.
He’s a Seattle rapper famous for the THRIFT STORE song and video, which is worth an entirely post by itself.
I’d heard Macklemore’s songs on the radio and such, but not the music videos, seeing how MTV doesn’t play vids anymore because, you know, wall-to-wall Jersey Shore nonsense and such. Snooki needs her screen time.
This video is long and courageous and well done.
I salute you, Macklemore, for having the range to do a hilarious romp like THRIFT STORE and the guts to do this quiet little beauty.
The Sundays are one of those sleeper bands, the kind who don’t have one or two big hits buried in a sea of mediocre songs, but smack that musical fastball into the outfield EVERY FLIPPING TIME.
Here they’re doing a cover of some song by Mick the Jagger or whoever. I’ve learned that Jagger and the Stones that Roll are four guys from Britain who, despite being older than Yoda, still run around the world, holding rock concerts and such where they actually play their own instruments and sing, the fuddy duddies, rather than lip-sync to backing tracks recorded in the studio and auto-tuned so horrifically that T-Pain vows to never again have his voice digitally altered one tiny itty bit.
Also: the lead singer of The Sundays has the voice of an angel and the face of a supermodel. That never hurts.
If I post a music video every Monday, or every other Monday, or on random Mondays when I feel like it, I will officially be playing more music than this channel on your cable box called MTV.
That channel, which was once proud and powerful, is now apparently dedicated to documentaries about the fake-tanning habits of young, unmarried losers in New Jersey with gelled hair and steroid problems and fake body parts.
Yes, I know the men and women on that show share the fake-tanning thing but not the steroid (men) and silicon (women) problems. HOWEVER: if you hired an anthropologist, and described their daily activities using numbers instead of names, that anthropologist would conclude that all members of this species spend the same amount of time (a) on their hair, (b) applying bronzer, (c) eating, (d) mating with random losers, (e) mating with each other when random losers are unavailable and (f) getting into fist-fights in bars. THEY ARE THE SAME.
So, as a tribute to the MTV that died long ago, I will play music while saluting former MTV stars like Jon Stewart, whose Daily Show is full of genius, despite his lack of belief in the letter “h.”
Watch this insane video by Florence + The Machine, then use your literary powers of deconstruction to figure out what it’s trying to say.
I believe the alien go-go dancers are a tribute to all the green alien women Captain Kirk conquered back in the 1960s, and that the end of the video pays homage to the only good scene in X-MEN: THE FINAL COUNTDOWN OR WHATEVER when Famke Janssen, who rocked as an evil Bond girl in Goldeneye, went nuts and turned all these bad guys into dust because Hugh Jackman refused to go steady with her.
In my quest to play more music videos than MTV, here’s the latest installment of Music Video Monday.
Jared Leto is the frontman of 30 Seconds to Mars, and he was an actor first. He also directs these music videos, which is why the band’s videos rock so hard. (If you read the credits, the director has a silly name. Post a comment, whoever sees that name first.)
So: here’s the video, which obviously pays deep homage to THE SHINING.
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Guy – Photo by Suhyoon Cho
Reformed journalist. Scribbler of speeches and whatnot. Wrote a thriller that was a finalist for some award.
Yes, I know that there are rumors that MTV still plays some music videos between the hours of 3 a.m. and 9 a.m., when it’s not doing Jersey Shore marathons or finding the next Heidi Pratt or whatever. MTV used to play videos 24 hours a day. Now all you can watch are country videos on some nearby channel. Do I need country videos about somebody’s dog dying and the transmission on his Chevy going out and his wife leaving with his best friend, and him sure missing his best friend? No. I need a channel that just plays music videos. VH1 doesn’t count.
This video by Fall Out Boy is a rocking tune with lyrics that nobody understands.
Listen closely. Tell me if you figure out (a) what the lead singer is saying, especially around the chorus and (b) if you can divine any meaning to those words.
Also: there is a parody video that tries to explain the lyrics. Quite funny and well done, though a smidge NSFW. If you fire up the YouTubes, you can probably find it.
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Guy – Photo by Suhyoon Cho
Reformed journalist. Scribbler of speeches and whatnot. Wrote a thriller that was a finalist for some award.
If you were alive, and breathing, you remember watching this on what we used to call MTV, which played these things called “music videos” instead of endless reality shows starring people from New Jersey who tan a lot.
Sidenote: Sir Tans a Lot would be a funny name for a rapper who made fun of The Situation.
Three things: (1) the hair makes me laugh, (2) the effects seems cheap now and (3) the storytelling in the video is much better than the lyrics of the song.
Check out the lyrics below. I’ve read them twice. Saw the video a zillion times. The video sort of makes sense. The lyrics, not so much.
We’re talking away
I don’t know what
I’m to say I’ll say it anyway
Today’s another day to find you
Shying away
I’ll be coming for your love, OK?
Take on me, take me on
I’ll be gone
In a day or two
So needless to say
I’m odds and ends
But that’s me stumbling away
Slowly learning that life is OK.
Say after me
It’s no better to be safe than sorry
Take on me, take me on
I’ll be gone
In a day or two
Oh the things that you say
Is it life or
Just a play my worries away
You’re all the things I’ve got to
remember
You’re shying away
I’ll be coming for you anyway
Take on me, take me on
I’ll be gone
In a day or two
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Guy – Photo by Suhyoon Cho
Reformed journalist. Scribbler of speeches and whatnot. Wrote a thriller that was a finalist for some award.
It’s not “Hey, let’s smoke this stuff, then make a video” weird.
And we’re not talking about some kind of experimental nonsense that went wrong, like filming a video using black lights and glow-in-the-dark paint outfits. Because that has a chance — however small — of paying off.
This video is simply horrible.
Nirvana and that Oh Mickey, You’re So Fine woman got actual cheerleaders for their music vids.
This band seems to have rounded up a bunch of suburban moms and put them into cheerleading outfits, then told them to dance badly, but in sync. It is entertainingly awful.
I also admire the Prince Valiant haircut paired up with a disco shirt, something to show off every inch of the lead singer’s chest hair.
Kudos to this band, whoever you are. You have achieved the worst music video of all time, and it will be incredibly hard to knock you off this throne.
As part of my ongoing mission to explore all music, and go where MTV no longer goes anymore, here’s another video: I WANT YOU TO WANT ME by Cheap Trick.
Why show this old thing from 1879 or whatever, when they had to plug their guitars into steam engines?
Three reasons why:
IT.
IS.
AWESOME.
This is a case where simple and repetitive works, because there’s a nice little pattern here with the words: “I want you to want me. I need you to need me.” And so forth. Nothing fancy. Nothing complicated. But it is inspired, and it’s the kind of song a moderately talented punk band could learn to play, you know, the kind of band that knows four chords and forgets two of them in the middle of the show after they finish off two bottles of cheap vodka.
So in that way, this thing is genius. You don’t need a degree in music to play it. You don’t need a great voice to sing it. It’s the perfect cover song, which is why so many other bands have covered it.
Also, it’s one of the few songs that sounds good live versus all auto-tuned and cleaned up in the studio. A gritty garage band can play it and fudge notes without ruining the thing.
You — yes, you — could probably do a decent job singing this thing at a karaoke bar, even if you are TOO DRUNK TO SPELL KARAOKE.
Bottom line: a simple, study, lovable song. A punk-rock tank with interesting word twists in the lyrics. I like it, I love it, I want some more of it.
Special bonus: my favorite cover of I WANT YOU TO WANT ME by Letters to Cleo. (This cover doesn’t have a music video. Somebody made one with scenes from the show CHUCK, and they did alright. Here you go.)
The lyrics are way, way below, just for fun. Straight-forward stuff – no need to dissect or interpret these.
I want you to want me.
I need you to need me.
I’d love you to love me.
I’m beggin’ you to beg me.
I want you to want me.
I need you to need me.
I’d love you to love me.
I’ll shine up my old brown shoes.
I’ll put on a brand new shirt
I’ll get home early from work
if you say that you love me.
Didn’t I, didn’t I, didn’t I,
see you cryin’ (cryin, cryin’).
Oh, Didn’t I, didn’t I, didn’t I,
see you cryin’ (cryin, cryin’)
Feelin’ all alone without a friend
you know you feel like dyin’ (dyin’, dyin’).
Oh, didn’t I, didn’t I, didn’t I,
see you cryin’ (cryin’, cryin’).
I want you to want me.
I need you to need me.
I’d love you to love me.
I’m beggin’ you to beg me.
I’ll shine up my old brown shoes.
I’ll put on a brand new shirt
I’ll get home early from work
if you say that you love me.
Didn’t I, didn’t I, didn’t I,
see you cryin’ (cryin, cryin’).
Oh, Didn’t I, didn’t I, didn’t I,
see you cryin’ (cryin, cryin’)
Feelin’ all alone without a friend
you know you feel like dyin’ (dyin’, dyin’).
Oh, didn’t I, didn’t I, didn’t I,
see you cryin’ (cryin’, cryin’).
Feelin’ all alone without a friend
you know you feel like dyin’ (dyin’, dyin’).
Oh, didn’t I, didn’t I, didn’t I,
see you cryin’ (cryin’, cryin’).
Feelin’ all alone without a friend
you know you feel like dyin’ (dyin’, dyin’).
Oh, didn’t I, didn’t I, didn’t I,
see you cryin’ (cryin’, cryin’).
I want you to want me.
I need you to need me.
I’d love you to love me.
I’m beggin’ you to beg me.
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Guy – Photo by Suhyoon Cho
Reformed journalist. Scribbler of speeches and whatnot. Wrote a thriller that was a finalist for some award.
Let’s talk, you and I, about the difference between treasure and trash.
The same principles that apply to silly music videos work across media, whether it’s movies, novels or paintings.
Is it creative and unique — or the same thing I’ve seen 3.93 gazillion times?
Would I recommend it to my friends and family — or would I suggest it to people I don’t like, hoping it puts them in therapy?
Finally, the acid test: would I hand over pieces of paper decorated with dead presidents to get more — or would you have to pay me to suffer through the stupid thing?
So on this Music Video Monday, let’s look at two vids that could not be more different.
In this corner, we have a classic Bollywood contender. Big budget. Big star. Big concept — shoot the video on a moving train through the lush countryside.
Clearly, it’s part of a movie, and I’ve seen this actor in a bunch of films. They know how to do music numbers in Bollywood, where the attitude is, “Go big or go home.”
I appreciate music videos like this one.
Let’s put it to the Three-Part Test of Treasure or Trash, which could use about six more T’s, but I ran out of coffee:
Is it creative and unique? Yes. Haven’t seen one like this before. Well done.
Would I recommend it to friends and family? Yes. And they watch Bollywood stuff all the time, so whatever I suggest would have to be damn good.
If this is part of a two-hour movie, would I invest two hours of my life and time to see it? Yes, and I’d munch some masala dosa during intermission.
In the other corner, we have a prototypical American video of bubble-gum pop.
It would be easy to pick something obscure and terrible. I picked something quite popular, a viral YouTube hit that you couldn’t claim some record company executive shoved down America’s throat.
Here’s the video. Watch it with a shot of bourbon.
We – and I use the royal we, meaning you all, and not me, because I am NOT RESPONSIBLE for this nonsense — made this video insanely popular. This singer now has more money in her change purse than you will ever make in your life. Even worse: all this success and money will only encourage Rebecca Black to produce more “hits” like this.
Creative and unique? Only if you consider lyrics written in crayon to be unique, and a production budget that costs less than a 16-ounce soy latte at Starbucks.
Recommend to friends or punish enemies with it? Oh, punish all the way. The CIA doesn’t need waterboarding. Strap somebody to a chair and play this video for 10 hours straight. They’ll tell you anything.
Two hour movie? You can’t make a tw0-hour movie out of this. I already sent Arnold back in time to hunt down the video’s director, who is drinking Bud Light Lime in a sketchy biker bar.
As further proof that this is, indeed, the trashiest of trash, let’s look at the lyrics and cringe together, in harmony.
7am, waking up in the morning
Gotta be fresh, gotta go downstairs
Gotta have my bowl, gotta have cereal
Seein’ everything, the time is goin’
Tickin’ on and on, everybody’s rushin’
Gotta get down to the bus stop
Gotta catch my bus, I see my friends (My friends)
Kickin’ in the front seat
Sittin’ in the back seat
Gotta make my mind up
Which seat can I take?
It’s Friday, Friday
Gotta get down on Friday
Everybody’s lookin’ forward to the weekend, weekend
Friday, Friday
Gettin’ down on Friday
Everybody’s lookin’ forward to the weekend
Partyin’, partyin’ (Yeah)
Partyin’, partyin’ (Yeah)
Fun, fun, fun, fun
Lookin’ forward to the weekend
[Rebecca Black - Verse 2]
7:45, we’re drivin’ on the highway
Cruisin’ so fast, I want time to fly
Fun, fun, think about fun
You know what it is
I got this, you got this
My friend is by my right
I got this, you got this
Now you know it
Kickin’ in the front seat
Sittin’ in the back seat
Gotta make my mind up
Which seat can I take?
[Chorus]
It’s Friday, Friday
Gotta get down on Friday
Everybody’s lookin’ forward to the weekend, weekend
Friday, Friday Gettin’ down on Friday
Everybody’s lookin’ forward to the weekend
Partyin’, partyin’ (Yeah)
Partyin’, partyin’ (Yeah)
Fun, fun, fun, fun
Lookin’ forward to the weekend
[Bridge]
Yesterday was Thursday, Thursday
Today i-is Friday, Friday (Partyin’)
We-we-we so excited
We so excited
We gonna have a ball today
Tomorrow is Saturday
And Sunday comes after…wards
I don’t want this weekend to end
[Rap Verse]
R-B, Rebecca Black
So chillin’ in the front seat (In the front seat)
In the back seat (In the back seat)
I’m drivin’, cruisin’ (Yeah, yeah)
Fast lanes, switchin’ lanes
Wit’ a car up on my side (Woo!)
(C’mon) Passin’ by is a school bus in front of me
Makes tick tock, tick tock, wanna scream
Check my time, it’s Friday, it’s a weekend
We gonna have fun, c’mon, c’mon, y’all
[Chorus]
It’s Friday, Friday
Gotta get down on Friday
Everybody’s lookin’ forward to the weekend, weekend
Friday, Friday
Gettin’ down on Friday
Everybody’s lookin’ forward to the weekend
Partyin’, partyin’ (Yeah)
Partyin’, partyin’ (Yeah)
Fun, fun, fun, fun
Lookin’ forward to the weekend
It’s Friday, Friday
Gotta get down on Friday
Everybody’s lookin’ forward to the weekend, weekend
Friday, Friday
Gettin’ down on Friday
Everybody’s lookin’ forward to the weekend
Partyin’, partyin’ (Yeah)
Partyin’, partyin’ (Yeah)
Fun, fun, fun, fun
Lookin’ forward to the weekend
I have no words for how awful those lyrics are. It’s like they were taken straight from the diary of a 14-year-old girl who’s deepest, darkest thoughts are about teddy bears.
HOWEVER: as a special bonus, here is proof that stupid Bon Jovi songs can be redeemed, if you add the right instruments and attitude.
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Guy – Photo by Suhyoon Cho
Reformed journalist. Scribbler of speeches and whatnot. Wrote a thriller that was a finalist for some award.
"In my insomniacal Twitter meanderings I find the miracle of @speechwriterguy. Follow him. He makes energetic sense about words. And life."
@CharlesCrawford / Oxford area, England / Former British Ambassador turned speechwriter, writer, mediator, trainer, blogger. Founder member of ADRg Ambassadors LLP
"Informative, funny, blunt & quirky, @speechwriterguy 's blog is a must if you really give a damn about language & communication."
@DavidWeedmark / Ottawa, Canada / Acclaimed poet & novelist with a penchant for dark roast coffee; passionately curious.
