Tag Archives: facebook

What words get shared on social media – and what doesn’t?

Publicity and marketing, including social media, is like the Wild West.

Just about anybody can call themselves a Social Media Ninja (although they shouldn’t) and get away with it, especially if they used the right jargon. Crazy ideas don’t sound crazy when nobody really knows anything in this new frontier.

Social media is still related to publicity and marketing, and even in that old business, the saying was, “Half of all advertising gets wasted. But nobody knows what half.”

Although there’s certainly good practice and bad ideas, there’s always been more art than science to the field. You can’t predict what will work or say, “We’re going to make this viral” and have it happen. Doesn’t work that way. Continue reading

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Filed under 7 Media Strategy Saturday, Journalism, publicity and scandals, The Twitter, the Book of Face and the Series of Tubes

Why even the mighty Facebook is DOOMED

So now that social media is an entrenched Big Deal, taking up gobs of bandwidth on the Series of Tubes, you’re starting to see story after story in papers of news and even the Glowing Tube, which still lives.

One hot story keeps popping up, like an invincible monster in a bad horror movie, and that story can be summed up in four words: FACEBOOK IS GONNA DIE.

These stories all point to numbers and extrapolate from there. Teenagers are abandoning the Facebook ship! Now that half the world is on Facebook, growth has stalled!

I’m not saying those stories are wrong. But here’s the thing: Facebook will die. It is not the immortal, invincible juggernaut people think it is. 

Because nothing on the internet stays on top forever. And in the end, angry rocks from space will doom us all.

Want to lose money? Bet your paycheck on predicting what we’ll be using for social media five years from now.

Want to make money? Bet the title of your car that something new will supplant whatever is dominant today.

Facebook will go the way of MySpace–it’s inevitable.

Twitter may fade away, or get smoked by some hot new thing now being created in the dorm room of some 18-year-old at Indiana State University.

Sure, the piles of money Facebook has could keep it on life support forever. Zuckerberg might use those billions to buy other hot new things on the Series of Tubes, or transform Facebook in radical ways.

Yet even if Facebook buys all the other companies in the world, and we all wind up working for Facebook for the next 20,000 years, eventually, rocks from space will blow everything up.

But we won’t have to wait for that. Facebook will fade and die, because we humans are fickle. There isn’t some magical switch that can freeze the quirky intersection of pop culture, technology and fashion.

Fashions come in waves. If short hair is dominant, that automatically makes long hair the hip, rebellious thing to do.

If Facebook is dominant, the cool kids automatically flee to something new and small and subversive until it gets too popular.

The same thing happens with music and movies. True hipster run away once their favorite band gets too popular. Hard-core movie fans are into obscure French black-and-white existentialism and 1960s samurai flicks for the simple reason that they are obscure and unpopular.

The younger the demographic, the quicker they shift allegiances.

Boy bands are a great lesson. No matter how big and unstoppable the media considered N Sync or the Backstreet Boys, they got tossed aside for the next hot new thing. It has always been so and it will always be so.

Because fashion and pop culture work that way. By becoming popular, you guarantee that the hipsters and cool kids will therefore consider you uncool and unpopular, causing your downfall and the rise of some obscure unknown shebang.

So yeah, Facebook will die.

And yeah, something fresh and new and completely obscure will get embraced by the hipsters and cool kids.

Just don’t believe anybody who says they know exactly what replaces it, or when it’ll happen.

The Red Pen of Doom’s Greatest Hits Collection: 10 Epic Posts

  1. Epic Black Car deserves good owner; are you worthy?
  2. The Mother of All Query Letters
  3. Why every man MUST read a romance – and every woman a thriller
  4. The Red Pen of Doom impales FIFTY SHADES OF GREY
  5. The Twitter, it is NOT for selling books
  6. A BOWL OF WARM MILK AND MURDER
  7. 30 achy breaky Twitter mistakeys
  8. Writing secret: Light as air, strong as whiskey, cheap as dirt
  9. The Red Pen of Doom murders THE FOUNTAINHEAD by Ayn Rand
  10. Quirks and legs matter more than talent and perfection

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This is Guy Bergstrom the writer, not the Guy Bergstrom in Stockholm or the guy in Minnesota who sells real estate or whatever. Separate guys. Kthxbai.

Guy Bergstrom. Photo by Suhyoon Cho.

Reformed journalist. Scribbler of speeches and whatnot. Wrote a thriller that won some award (PNWA 2013). Represented by Jill Marr of the Sandra Dijkstra Literary Agency.

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Filed under 7 Media Strategy Saturday, Journalism, publicity and scandals, Old Media, which is still Big and Strong, The Twitter, the Book of Face and the Series of Tubes

Happy birthday to the Twitter!

A nice little video about the evolution of the Twitter, which is 6.942 bazillion times better than the Book of Face, which will one day go the way of MySpace — and not even powers of Justin the Timberlake will be able to save Zuckerberg’s baby.

I’d throw another “which” in there, but it’d just be piling on.

Also: What is the ONE THING you would delete about the Twitter, aside from nuking direct messages from orbit?

Also-also: What is the ONE THING you would add to the Twitter?

Also-cubed: Here’s a link to I THREW IT ON THE GROUND, because (a) it includes the lyric, “Happy birthday to the ground” and (b) it’s one of the funniest music videos in forever, with (c) a song that’s actually good.

Related posts:

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This is Guy Bergstrom the writer, not the Guy Bergstrom in Stockholm or the guy in Minnesota who sells real estate or whatever. Separate guys. Kthxbai.

Guy Bergstrom. Photo by Suhyoon Cho.

Reformed journalist. Scribbler of speeches and whatnot. Wrote a thriller that won some award (PNWA 2013). Represented by Jill Marr of the Sandra Dijkstra Literary Agency.

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Filed under 7 Media Strategy Saturday, The Twitter, the Book of Face and the Series of Tubes

3 ways to change the digital world FOREVER

It is official: social media now dominates the Series of Tubes.

Every year, these smart people produce a slick video about the interwebs, and this year’s video is especially good and interesting.

Now, having filled your brain with facts and numbers and industrial euro-pop dance music, WHAT DO WE DO?

Simple. We change the world. Continue reading

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Filed under 7 Media Strategy Saturday, Journalism, publicity and scandals, The Twitter, the Book of Face and the Series of Tubes

Come closer, now, and whisper your MOST EVIL PLANS

My silly blog is now one year old, meaning it doesn’t just crawl anymore.

No. It can (a) get to its feet by grabbing the couch, (b) chase teh kitteh all over the living room, (c) scribble all over the first page of any book with a red pen and (d) make sarcastic faces at really bad movies.

So thank you, dear reader, for faithfully reading posts, writing insanely witty comments and talking smack to me on the Twitter.

I never expected this little blog to have 4,300 hits in a day (Saturday), 11,000 followers on the Twitter or 100,000-whatever hits in its first year of life.

You did NOT expect that. Little Godzilla.

Did you expect that? NO. Me neither.

My expectations were rather low. This blog-like substance was born out of fun, and to try out a bunch of things on WordPress and the Twitter.

What should happen next, in Year Two?

You tell me. I’m taking requests.

Inch on a little closer to me and whisper, softly, your most evil of evil plans.

  • What over-rated novel deserves to have Page 1 ripped apart by a red pen of doom?
  • Which movies or TV shows needs to be put on the table and dissected to see how it works so beautifully, or doesn’t work at all?
  • What insane music videos need to be shown to the world, with the lyrics translated into English?
  • Or should we just go all-in with zombies, zombies and, just for variety, more zombies?
evolution of zombies

Everything goes better with zombies.

Vote in the little poll below, or post your idea in the comment section. And thanks again.

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This is Guy Bergstrom the writer, not the Guy Bergstrom in Stockholm or the guy in Minnesota who sells real estate or whatever. Separate guys. Kthxbai.

Guy Bergstrom. Photo by Suhyoon Cho.

Reformed journalist. Scribbler of speeches and whatnot. Wrote a thriller that won some award (PNWA 2013). Represented by Jill Marr of the Sandra Dijkstra Literary Agency.

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Filed under 5 Random Thursday, Housekeeping

5 ways to make blog posts GO ALL VIRAL

There is no guaranteed method, no secret way, to make a blog post that causes the Series of Tubes to explode.

Anybody who says otherwise is a lying liar full of lying liaosity.

Because this is an art, not a science.

HOWEVER: There are things that are smart, and give you a chance.

yoda after the death star blows up

If your magical blog post causes the Series of Tubes to blow up like a Death Star orbiting the second moon of Yavin, then Yoda will celebrate by dropping it like it’s hot.

5) Swing for the fences

If all your blog posts are kinda the same — the same topic, the same length, the same tone — it’s a good bet none of them will ever magically shock the world.

Learn from PETA, which gets gobs and gobs of free ink and airtime by trying bold, crazy PR stunts.

Most of them fail. Sometimes, they get a little bad press for a stunt gone wrong.

But they keep swinging for the fences, because there is no real penalty for swinging and missing. Continue reading

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Filed under 7 Media Strategy Saturday, Journalism, publicity and scandals, Old Media, which is still Big and Strong, The Twitter, the Book of Face and the Series of Tubes, Viral media math

Top 4 features Twitter should add — or kill

So, I love the Twitter, which is fun and useful, and have fallen out of love with the Book of Face, because it’s not very useful and has become rather Annoying.

Twitter

HOWEVER: There are things in Twitter that should be fixed, and features we desperately need to have.

Here they are.

Thing Number 4: Kill direct messages 

Kill it with fire. Nuke it from orbit. Go send Keanu Reeve through the Matrix to wipe DM’s from the face of the Twitterverse.

Why?

Because nobody sends them anymore, not unless they get hacked and spit out endless “U didn’t see them tapping u? http://spam.a.licious” messages. Continue reading

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Filed under 7 Media Strategy Saturday, The Twitter, the Book of Face and the Series of Tubes

HO HEY by The Lumineers

This is a simple little song with a simple little video that still manages to ROCK THE HOUSE.

Also, I don’t really hear much of a difference between the Ho! and the Hey! parts, but hey, that’s artistic license and such.

Also-also: There’s something of a trend of Mumford and Son types, musicians wearing suspenders while playing folksy rock that involves (a) a banjo, (b) a bass and (c) harmonicas or whatever.

This is a good thing, though it will certainly snowball into some kind of trend where record executives start signing up folks bands with accordians instead of amplifiers faster than an aspiring writer can tell you about their YA series that is NOT inspired — they swear — by Harry Potter or The Hunger Games, because they have a school of witches, not wizards, and the zombies show up on page 392.

Also-cubed: As for the controversy over whether The Lumineers (original band name: The Night Lights) are singing “You’re my sweetheart” or “You’re my sweet home” — the answer is, “sweet heart.”

Here’s the video. Watch it. DO IT NOW, because YouTube / the Google needs your clicks and money or whatever before their stock starts doing the Facebook nosedive.

For word nerds around the world, the lyrics:

(Ho!) I’ve been trying to do it right
(Hey!) I’ve been living a lonely life
(Ho!) I’ve been sleeping here instead
(Hey!)I’ve been sleeping in my bed,
(Ho!) sleeping in my bed (Hey!)
(Ho!)

(Ho!) So show me family
(Hey!) Or the blood that I would bleed
(Ho!) I don’t know where I belong
(Hey!) I don’t know where I went wrong
(Ho!) But I can write a song
(Hey!)

I belong with you, you belong with me
You’re my sweetheart
I belong with you, you belong with me
You’re my sweet

(Ho!)
(Hey!)
(Ho!)
(Hey!)

(Ho!) I don’t think you’re right for him
(Hey!) Leave the world it might have been
(Ho!) Took a bus to china town
(Hey!) I’ll be standing on canal
(Ho!) And bowery (hey!)
(Ho!) She’d be standing next to me (hey!)

I belong with you, you belong with me
You’re my sweetheart
I belong with you, you belong with me
You’re my sweetheart

And love, we need it now
Let’s hope for some
Cause oh, we’re bleeding out

I belong with you, you belong with me
You’re my sweetheart
I belong with you, you belong with me
You’re my sweetheart

(Hey!)
(Ho!)
(Hey!)

Related: Music Video Monday’s greatest hits

Insane music video + lyrics – EXCELLENT HORSE-LIKE LADY

The Red Pen of Doom shoots up Train’s DRIVE BY

ICE, ICE BABY as interpreted by the Red Pen of Doom

Music Video Deathmatch: Lady Gaga vs Justin Bieber

SUGAR WE’RE GOING DOWN by Fall Out Boy

ELECTRIC AVENUE, as interpreted by the Red Pen of Doom

Music Video Monday: Florence + The Machine

THE KILL by 30 Seconds to Mars

TAKE ON ME by A-Ha

ENTER THE NINJA by Die Antwoord

COUNTDOWN by Beyonce and some genius student in a snuggie

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This is Guy Bergstrom the writer, not the Guy Bergstrom in Stockholm or the guy in Minnesota who sells real estate or whatever. Separate guys. Kthxbai.

Guy Bergstrom. Photo by Suhyoon Cho.

Reformed journalist. Scribbler of speeches and whatnot. Wrote a thriller that won some award (PNWA 2013). Represented by Jill Marr of the Sandra Dijkstra Literary Agency.

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Filed under 2 Music Video Monday

Old Media versus The Series of Tubes

Internet Fanboys claim that the invincible air attack of the Series of Tubes will shred the ground game of Boring Old Media  — that there’s no way newspapers, TV and radio stations compete with the lightning speed and low-cost goodness of the interwebs,

It’s like a power-running football team from the ’60s trying to win a shoot-out with Aaron Rogers and the Green Bay Packers, who chuck the ball all the time and score touchdowns like crazy.

Four yards and a cloud of dust has no chance. This game will be over at halftime when the score is 44-7.

So, it’s halftime and we’re bored. Let’s talk about a blog so powerful and amazing that it posted not seven times a week, but hundreds of times every day — a blog with a professional staff of writers, designers and minions, cranking out news scoops and funny posts.

A blog so strong that it doesn’t burn through venture capital like cocaine at a ’70s disco, but MAKES monies year after year, with millions of page hits and paid subscribers.

Oh, that kind of blog must be making Boring Old Media quake in their boots. See? The Internet Fanboys are right. I was wrong, wrong, wrong.

Except that blog is called “every newspaper on the planet in a city large enough to support at least one Home Depot.”

Continue reading

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Filed under 7 Media Strategy Saturday, Journalism, publicity and scandals, Old Media, which is still Big and Strong, The Twitter, the Book of Face and the Series of Tubes

Joseph Perla: ‘Facebook is a Ponzi scheme’

Great article from somebody in the business.

Advertisers are smart. They spend actual money and have to show actual results. And sometimes, hype is simply hype.

Perla isn’t pooh-poohing the Series of Tubes as a whole. He says Google ads are smart and do lead to sales. Different model entirely.

ANYWAY: Go read this. It will make your brain grow big and strong.

http://www.forbes.com/sites/ryanholiday/2012/05/17/why-i-lost-my-faith-in-facebook-advertising/

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This is Guy Bergstrom the writer, not the Guy Bergstrom in Stockholm or the guy in Minnesota who sells real estate or whatever. Separate guys. Kthxbai.

Guy Bergstrom. Photo by Suhyoon Cho.

Reformed journalist. Scribbler of speeches and whatnot. Wrote a thriller that won some award (PNWA 2013). Represented by Jill Marr of the Sandra Dijkstra Literary Agency.

6 Comments

Filed under The Twitter, the Book of Face and the Series of Tubes