Protip: Do not play around with hippos. Art by Netlizard.
At 27 years old, Paul Templer was swallowed by a hippo.
In 1996, Templer was giving a tour of the Zambezi river in Africa when his canoe was overturned. As Templer paddled out to rescue a fellow guide, he was swallowed by a rude hippopotamus.
Templer documented the incident in an article written for The Guardian in May 2013. Templer writes:
I reached over to grab his outstretched hand but as our fingers were about to touch, I was engulfed in darkness…I seemed to be trapped in something slimy. There was a terrible, sulphurous smell, like rotten eggs…My arms were trapped but I managed to free one hand and felt around – my palm passed through the wiry bristles of the hippo’s snout. It was only then that I realised I was underwater, trapped up to my waist in his mouth.
…I’ve no idea how long we stayed under – time passes very slowly when you’re in a hippo’s mouth.
After having a book about the experience published in 2012 (ironically titled What’s Left Of Me), he thought that his nightmare with the “rogue hippo”, as he calls it, was over.
I’ll happily write about a music video if the lyrics are interesting, if the song is great — or the music video tells a story.
Gentle readers, we have hit the trifecta.
These lyrics are interesting, the song is great and the video tells a powerful story.
THE SONG
Thought it was Cake, by the voice and the horns. But no, it’s some band called Flobots. Not the best name. Makes me think of an android version of Flo from the Geico commercials, and I don’t want rock bands selling me insurance. HOWEVER: the name is irrelevant if the lyrics are interesting and the video rocks.
The band Flobots actually has nothing to do with Flo or robots. Discuss.
THE VIDEO
The usual music video features (1) the band lip-syncing and pretending to play instruments in three different locations with six different costume changes, (2) the lead singer mouthing the words while trying to look cool in sunglasses and slo-mo or (3) all kinds of backup dancers going crazy behind the lead singer.
Instead, we’ve got a music video that doesn’t feature the band AT ALL.
This video tells an actual story, with a beginning, a middle and end. There are setups and payoffs, private stakes and public stakes.
I could geek out about it in a story sense. If professors can base college courses on Star Trek, or Madonna’s cheesy videos, then somebody could use this video do to a flipping dissertation.
Also, the style is great. Reminds me of all the stuff from the Animatrix, which was 9.942 bazillion times better than THE MATRIX: RELOADED and THE MATRIX: REVOLUTIONS — or whatever the second and third stupid parts of that trilogy were called.
Would I see THE MATRIX again? Sure, anytime. Brilliant movie. Could you shower me with enough purple euros to watch the two sequels again? No. Purple euros would have to join forces with alcohols.
Bottom line: the technical term for this music video is “awesomesauce.”
THE LYRICS
The words are worthy and don’t need a lot of red penning, either to interpret or poke fun. These lyrics abide.
If you’re any kind of writer, or student of the English language, you can take these apart and smile at how they work. Enjoy.
I can ride my bike with no handlebars
No handlebars
No handlebars
I can ride my bike with no handlebars
No handlebars
No handlebars
Look at me, look at me
Hands in the air like its good to be
Alive and I’m a famous rapper
Even when the paths are all crookedy
I can show you how to dosey doe
I can show you how to scratch a record
I can take apart the remote control
And I can almost put it back together
I can tie a knot in a cherry stem
I can tell you about Leif Ericson
I know all the words to “De Colores”
And “I’m proud to be an American”
Me and my friends saw a platypus
Me and my friends made a comic book
And guess how long it took
I can do anything that I want ’cause look
I can keep rhythm with no metronome
No metronome
No metronome
I can see your face on the telephone
On the telephone
On the telephone
Look at me, look at me
Just called to say that its good to be
Alive in such a small world
I’m all curled up with a book to read
I can make money open up a thrift store
I can make a living off a magazine
I can design an engine
64 miles to the gallon on gasoline
I can make new antibiotics
I can make computer survive aquatic
Conditions I know how to run the business
And I can make you wanna buy a product
Movers shakers and producers
Me and my friends understand the future
I see the strings that control the systems
I can do anything with no resistance ’cause
I can lead a nation with a microphone
With a microphone
With a microphone
And I can split the atoms of a molecule
Of a molecule
Of a molecule
Look at me, look at me
Driving and I won’t stop
And it feels so good to be alive and on top
My reach is global
My tower secure
My cause is noble
My power is pure
I can handout a million vaccinations
Or let em all die from exasperation
Have ‘em all healed from their lacerations
Or have em all killed by assassination
I can make anybody go to prison
Just because I don’t like them
I can do anything with no permission
I have it all under my command because
I can guide a missile by satellite
By satellite
By satellite
And I can hit a target through a telescope
Through a telescope
Through a telescope
And I can end the planet in a holocaust
In a holocaust
In a holocaust
In a holocaust
In a holocaust
In a holocaust
I can ride my bike with no handlebars
No handlebars
No handlebars
I can ride my bike with no handlebars
No handlebars
No handlebars
A little known cinematic gem is perhaps GODZILLA’S REVENGE (1969).
I say perhaps, because I’ve only seen the trailer…and what a trailer it is! This was the golden age of men in rubber suits.
Tragically, the new Godzilla (2014) will not feature men in rubber suits. No, that time has past. CGI is the future…Motion capture…3D…
However, through the power of the Series of Tubes, you can relive the glory days of cheap “practical effects” (as in practical for the movie’s budget).
Nothing beats the raw physicality of a trained thespian (or a willing intern) in a rubber suit, acting out the complex emotions of a scaled beast that terrorizes for sport.
Poster for Godzilla’s Revenge (1969)
The tagline for this film when it was released in 69′:
SEE: PREHISTORIC MONSTERS CRAWL OUT OF THE HIDDEN DEPTHS OF THE EARTH AND TAKE REVENGE AGAINST THE LIVING!
MY TAGLINE:
SEE GODZILLA THROW AN INSECT MAN LIKE IT’S A TOY (it might be) AND THEN TOSS AN UGLY GREEN BEAST OVER HIS SHOULDER WITH NO REGARD FOR SAFETY!
Alex Corey
Alex Corey is a writer studying journalism at California State University-Northridge and an intern for Latino-Review.com He can be reached on Twitter @MrAlexCorey and on the Series of Tubes at Motionpictureplanet.wordpress.com
This is one of the first music videos to feature some sort of story.
You know, a plot instead of (a) the lead singer emoting into the microphone while (b) the rest of the band pretends to play their instruments for the 45th time until (c) the director finally calls it good.
Because this is a piece of epic music history, 12 years from now, somebody will write their doctoral thesis on it. If you are that person, please research whether the female lead’s hairdo was an accidental homage to Princess Diana or totally on purpose. Kthxbai.
A nice little video about the evolution of the Twitter, which is 6.942 bazillion times better than the Book of Face, which will one day go the way of MySpace — and not even powers of Justin the Timberlake will be able to save Zuckerberg’s baby.
I’d throw another “which” in there, but it’d just be piling on.
Also: What is the ONE THING you would delete about the Twitter, aside from nuking direct messages from orbit?
Also-also: What is the ONE THING you would add to the Twitter?
Also-cubed: Here’s a link to I THREW IT ON THE GROUND, because (a) it includes the lyric, “Happy birthday to the ground” and (b) it’s one of the funniest music videos in forever, with (c) a song that’s actually good.
"In my insomniacal Twitter meanderings I find the miracle of @speechwriterguy. Follow him. He makes energetic sense about words. And life."
@CharlesCrawford / Oxford area, England / Former British Ambassador turned speechwriter, writer, mediator, trainer, blogger. Founder member of ADRg Ambassadors LLP
"Informative, funny, blunt & quirky, @speechwriterguy 's blog is a must if you really give a damn about language & communication."
@DavidWeedmark / Ottawa, Canada / Acclaimed poet & novelist with a penchant for dark roast coffee; passionately curious.
