Category Archives: 5 Random Thursday

Spring Break, so it’s time to break things, then fix them all up

It’s spring and I’m doing maintenance on the silly blog.

Some things will get ALL BROKEN AND SUCH before emerging shiny and new, like an ugly larva spinning a cocoon before emerging as a giant, super-powered moth that battles Godzilla and stomps all over Tokyo.

If you have suggestions, ideas or requests, shout by the comment magic, the Twitter or even the magic of emails — but do not leave a voice mail, which are obsolete and annoying anyway, plus I would wonder how you got my digits in the first place, which would be creepy and such.

Also: There are crazy amounts of summer movies coming out, and yes, I’ll be dissecting the ones I see. Good times. 

Also-also: Thanks to all the folks for suggestions on (a) great books to read on break and (b) crazy bad books to bleed red on. I have a beautiful honking pile of book-like substances now. 

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Guy - Photo by Suhyoon Cho

Photo by Suhyoon Cho

Reformed journalist. Scribbler of speeches and whatnot who wrote a thriller that won some award.
Represented by Jill Marr of the Dijkstra Literary Agency.

3 Comments

Filed under 5 Random Thursday, Housekeeping, Uncategorized

Super-powered mutant Avenger of the ocean: The Mighty Cuttlefish

I understand an octopus, a squid and a clam. Clams have shells. Squids and octopuses (octopi?) have tentacles and such.

But this alien beast has a shell — inside its body.

The cuttlefish’s bone is made of aragonite, the same special metal used to graft Wolverine’s claws and skeleton* and Captain America’s shield** — but not Thor’s hammer, which came from the heart of a dead star.***

Plus it’s got all kinds of other mutant super powers, like a poisoned beak, tentacles, a giant brain, secret alien-like jaws that sneak out of nowhere to eat fish — and color changing powers that make it practically invisible.

Think you’re iPhone’s fancy Retina screen is amazing? The cuttlefish has 200 iridophores and eucophores per square millimeter, which equals out to 359 dots per inch. Want one of those 4k screens but don’t have $10,000 to buy one? Make friends with a herd of cuttlefish and get them to spread out on your living room wall, then fire up THE MATRIX, but not the two sequels, which were a waste of Keanu Reeve’s precious time and $279 million in CGI effects.

Here’s a good look at the cuttlefish from my favorite animal documentary series on the planet, True Facts:

*Note to comic book gurus: Yes, I’m kidding. Wolverine’s claws and such are made of adamantium, which is created when titanium dioxide reaches the earth’s mantle and is compressed by millions of pounds per square inch at 4,500 degrees Celsius, then remerges to the surface through millions of years of plate tectonics along with the help of all kinds of Red Bulls and shots of bourbon while the comic book writers at Marvel try to make it all sound two-thirds scientific, one-third magical and 143 percent awesome.

**Also, the famous shield of Captain America is actually made of vibranium, a real metal alloy that’s also used in the manufacture of the B-2 stealth bomber because of its unique radar-absorbing properties. Vibranium is only found in one place: the southern pole of Mars, meaning all traces of it on earth came from a massive asteroid striking the pole and sending debris raining down upon Africa, the only continent where vibranium can now be mined. Buying this so far? Okay. There are these penny stocks, and if you know which ones to buy, you can turn ten cents into a dollar, $1 into $100 — and $100 into $100,000. All you have to is subscribe to my financial newsletter to learn the secrets of true wealth that Wall Street doesn’t want you to know.

***Actually, that part is true. Dead star, all the way. Not making it up.

The Red Pen of Doom’s Greatest Hits Collection: 10 Epic Posts

  1. Epic Black Car deserves good owner; are you worthy?
  2. The Mother of All Query Letters
  3. Why every man MUST read a romance – and every woman a thriller
  4. The Red Pen of Doom impales FIFTY SHADES OF GREY
  5. The Twitter, it is NOT for selling books
  6. A BOWL OF WARM MILK AND MURDER
  7. 30 achy breaky Twitter mistakeys
  8. Writing secret: Light as air, strong as whiskey, cheap as dirt
  9. The Red Pen of Doom murders THE FOUNTAINHEAD by Ayn Rand
  10. Quirks and legs matter more than talent and perfection

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Guy - Photo by Suhyoon Cho

Photo by Suhyoon Cho

 

Reformed journalist. Scribbler of speeches and whatnot. Wrote a thriller that won some award and is represented by Jill Marr of the Dijkstra Literary Agency.

4 Comments

Filed under 5 Random Thursday, Animals, monsters and monstrous animals, Muffin chokers

007 the Crow solves epic eight-step puzzle using TOOLS

Crows are wicked smart. I’ve watched them pick up nuts, fly, then drop them on the asphalt.

This wild crow, nicknamed 007, solved a crazy complicated puzzle the very first time he saw it.

Brilliant. It’s one thing for smart birds to show off after they’ve been trained for a lifetime to, I don’t know, sing Broadway tunes or tell dirty jokes. It’s another thing for a wild crow to pop in, spot some yummy food in the puzzle and do all this stuff using tools to get at it. I believe octopus (octupi?) can do similar stuff, like unscrewing jars and such, so it’s only a matter of time before the SyFy Channel comes up with CROWTOPUS EATS MANHATTAN and then CROWTOPUS VERSUS SHARKNADO.

007 the Crow, I salute you.

The Red Pen of Doom’s Greatest Hits Collection: 10 Epic Posts

  1. Epic Black Car deserves good owner; are you worthy?
  2. The Mother of All Query Letters
  3. Why every man MUST read a romance – and every woman a thriller
  4. The Red Pen of Doom impales FIFTY SHADES OF GREY
  5. The Twitter, it is NOT for selling books
  6. A BOWL OF WARM MILK AND MURDER
  7. 30 achy breaky Twitter mistakeys
  8. Writing secret: Light as air, strong as whiskey, cheap as dirt
  9. The Red Pen of Doom murders THE FOUNTAINHEAD by Ayn Rand
  10. Quirks and legs matter more than talent and perfection

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Guy - Photo by Suhyoon Cho

Guy – Photo by Suhyoon Cho

Reformed journalist. Scribbler of speeches and whatnot. Wrote a thriller that won some award and is represented by Jill Marr of the Dijkstra Literary Agency.

2 Comments

Filed under 5 Random Thursday, Animals, monsters and monstrous animals, Muffin chokers

Smug yuppie Snow Joggers give TV interview, then fail

So it’s the Snowpocalypse up here, and in nearby Portland two joggers paused to give a TV reporter the benefit of their wisdom, and to expound on the great texture of the snow for running.

At least the Northwest has some random experience with snow. Down in Atlanta not long ago, it was a real-life game of bumper cars. My favorite part: when the bystanders hoped and prayed the Nissan 370 didn’t get munched. Warning: one man says a bad word a few times, if you’re offended by such things.

Be safe out there.

The Red Pen of Doom’s Greatest Hits Collection: 10 Epic Posts

  1. Epic Black Car deserves good owner; are you worthy?
  2. The Mother of All Query Letters
  3. Why every man MUST read a romance – and every woman a thriller
  4. The Red Pen of Doom impales FIFTY SHADES OF GREY
  5. The Twitter, it is NOT for selling books
  6. A BOWL OF WARM MILK AND MURDER
  7. 30 achy breaky Twitter mistakeys
  8. Writing secret: Light as air, strong as whiskey, cheap as dirt
  9. The Red Pen of Doom murders THE FOUNTAINHEAD by Ayn Rand
  10. Quirks and legs matter more than talent and perfection

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Guy - Photo by Suhyoon Cho

Guy – Photo by Suhyoon Cho

Reformed journalist. Scribbler of speeches and whatnot. Wrote a thriller that won some award and is represented by Jill Marr of the Dijkstra Literary Agency.

3 Comments

Filed under Muffin chokers

Super Bowl goodness: Bad Lipreading, the NFL edition

For an epic Super Bowl–which the Seahawks will win–I give you Bad Lipreading, the NFL Edition.

The Red Pen of Doom’s Greatest Hits Collection: 10 Epic Posts

  1. Epic Black Car deserves good owner; are you worthy?
  2. The Mother of All Query Letters
  3. Why every man MUST read a romance – and every woman a thriller
  4. The Red Pen of Doom impales FIFTY SHADES OF GREY
  5. The Twitter, it is NOT for selling books
  6. A BOWL OF WARM MILK AND MURDER
  7. 30 achy breaky Twitter mistakeys
  8. Writing secret: Light as air, strong as whiskey, cheap as dirt
  9. The Red Pen of Doom murders THE FOUNTAINHEAD by Ayn Rand
  10. Quirks and legs matter more than talent and perfection

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Guy - Photo by Suhyoon Cho

Guy – Photo by Suhyoon Cho

Reformed journalist. Scribbler of speeches and whatnot. Wrote a thriller that won some award and is represented by Jill Marr of the Dijkstra Literary Agency.

1 Comment

Filed under Muffin chokers

Say hello to Teddy Bear the Talking Porcupine

YouTube is packed chock full of videos where owners think their cat is saying something, or their dog is barking hello.

Most of the time, the owners are goofy for their pet who simply says one thing, over and over, that sort of sounds like a word.

And yeah, birds can blow them all out of the water.

But here’s something different: a porcupine who isn’t a one-word pony. Teddy the Talking Porcupine seems to have entire conversations.

Teddy is impressive and funny. He belongs on this BBC show, which you need to fire up if you haven’t seen them all. They rock.

The Red Pen of Doom’s Greatest Hits Collection: 10 Epic Posts

  1. Epic Black Car deserves good owner; are you worthy?
  2. The Mother of All Query Letters
  3. Why every man MUST read a romance – and every woman a thriller
  4. The Red Pen of Doom impales FIFTY SHADES OF GREY
  5. The Twitter, it is NOT for selling books
  6. A BOWL OF WARM MILK AND MURDER
  7. 30 achy breaky Twitter mistakeys
  8. Writing secret: Light as air, strong as whiskey, cheap as dirt
  9. The Red Pen of Doom murders THE FOUNTAINHEAD by Ayn Rand
  10. Quirks and legs matter more than talent and perfection

###

Guy - Photo by Suhyoon Cho

Guy – Photo by Suhyoon Cho

Reformed journalist. Scribbler of speeches and whatnot. Wrote a thriller that won some award and is represented by Jill Marr of the Dijkstra Literary Agency.

1 Comment

Filed under 5 Random Thursday, Animals, monsters and monstrous animals, Muffin chokers

Deep wisdom from a humble barbershop will make you laugh, think and cry

There’s this hidden-camera show that doesn’t pull pranks on people for laughs, but poses tough situations and sees what real people watching the train wreck would say or do.

Unlike “reality” television, the only fake part of this are the actors instigating it.

The reactions from actual people are truly real, completely raw and sometimes amazing.

Watch this short clip.

Listen to the uncoached compassion and unscripted wisdom from random people sitting in that barbershop.

If the last woman to speak up from her barber chair doesn’t make you laugh, think and cry, then you have no soul.

Other posts:

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Guy - Photo by Suhyoon Cho

Guy – Photo by Suhyoon Cho

Reformed journalist. Scribbler of speeches and whatnot. Wrote a thriller that won some award and is represented by Jill Marr of the Dijkstra Literary Agency.

2 Comments

Filed under 5 Random Thursday, The Glowing Tube

Bulletproof skin and other insane inventions

This isn’t science fiction, or something dreamed up by Stan Lee back in 1962.

An artist teamed up with scientists to (1) weave artificial spider silk, (2) grow real cells around that scaffold then (3) look for firearms.

So what happened when Bulletproof Skin 1.0 got shot by a low-powered .22 bullet?

Yeah, it bounced off.

A full-powered .22 pierced the skin, though she thinks doubling the strength of the spider silk weave would buttress the skin and make it tough enough.

Science is magic.

Then there’s this CEO, who sells stab-proof vests and stands behind his product by letting an employee, or a dude who really hates him, hit him with a metal baton, slash him with a box-cutter and stab him with a knife.

But for full-on crazy, you need to see the Canadian man who’s been trying to build an anti-bear suit for years. He lets himself get hit by logs, Ewok-style, and thrown off cliffs, hit by cars, whacked by a gang of men with baseball bats, all to demonstrate the strength of his latest version of the suit.

You can’t make this stuff up. And because I can: 41 other brilliant (or insane) inventions from around the world.

The Red Pen of Doom’s Greatest Hits Collection: 10 Epic Posts

  1. Epic Black Car deserves good owner; are you worthy?
  2. The Mother of All Query Letters
  3. Why every man MUST read a romance – and every woman a thriller
  4. The Red Pen of Doom impales FIFTY SHADES OF GREY
  5. The Twitter, it is NOT for selling books
  6. A BOWL OF WARM MILK AND MURDER
  7. 30 achy breaky Twitter mistakeys
  8. Writing secret: Light as air, strong as whiskey, cheap as dirt
  9. The Red Pen of Doom murders THE FOUNTAINHEAD by Ayn Rand
  10. Quirks and legs matter more than talent and perfection

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Guy - Photo by Suhyoon Cho

Guy – Photo by Suhyoon Cho

Reformed journalist. Scribbler of speeches and whatnot. Wrote a thriller (FREEDOM, ALASKA) that won some award (PNWA 2013) and is represented by Jill Marr of the Dijkstra Literary Agency.

2 Comments

Filed under Muffin chokers

Photographer does big beautiful things with a tiny studio

I am impressed by this photographer, JeeYoung Lee, who does a lot with very little.

My two favorites:

Click here with your mousity mouse to see more of her work. I hope she sells prints and such. I’d buy them.

Related posts:

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Guy - Photo by Suhyoon Cho

Guy – Photo by Suhyoon Cho

Reformed journalist. Scribbler of speeches and whatnot. Wrote a thriller (FREEDOM, ALASKA) that won some award and is represented by Jill Marr of the Dijkstra Literary Agency.

Leave a comment

Filed under 5 Random Thursday, Photography

This is not a photo, I kid you not

 

Listen: I know enough about photography to be dangerous. (See related posts: The Nikon D-50 of Infinite Beauty and Pieces of the World)

HOWEVER: shooting great photos with a Nikon of Infinite Beauty is insanely simple compared to what this man did with an iPad, his finger and talent on loan from the gods. 

The artist is Kyle Lambert of the United Kingdom, which is not the same as Great Britain, which you probably know if you watch sufficient amounts of BBC, a requirement once Benedict Cumberbatch returns as the most epic Sherlock Holmes/KHAAAN! Known to Man, with nothing else on America Tee-Vee even coming close, not unless Bryan Cranston returns from the dead to put his Heisenberg hat back on. I was shooting for the comma record there, pretending to be a law student, but a 1L would have thrown it all off by boldly going with a semi-colon after the third comma, thus ruining the streak. I am undaunted and unbowed. And I will try again.

Greatest His, Literary Style:

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Guy - Photo by Suhyoon Cho

Guy – Photo by Suhyoon Cho

Reformed journalist. Scribbler of speeches and whatnot. Wrote a thriller (FREEDOM, ALASKA) that won some award and is represented by Jill Marr of the Dijkstra Literary Agency.

4 Comments

Filed under 5 Random Thursday, Muffin chokers, Photography