Category Archives: 5 Random Thursday

The Toughest Internship in the World

Are you a college student in some kind of writing major — journalism, PR, screenwriting or fiction — and think you can write? Show me. BRING IT.

The evil secret to all writing? Editing.

The evil secret to all writing? Editing.

I had a great time with two accidental and informal interns: Lauren Palazzo, a goddess of publicity on the East Coast, and Alex Corey, a journalistic muffin of stud on the West Coast.

So I’m turning this into a formal and official Thing, maybe because it warms my cold Swedish heart to give talented young writers good clips, good editing and a little boost toward a job and career that doesn’t involve hairnets or selling insurance.

What are the requirements?

  • You DON’T have to show up 8 to 5 every day, make copies or fetch coffee, because you’re doing this from far, far away, via the Series of Tubes, and I don’t care if you’re orbiting Mars as long as your internets work.
  • You DO have to write circles around your competitors and have a hunger to write better, because you understand everybody needs to be edited, and seeing your drafts get riddled with red ink doesn’t put you in therapy.
  • You DON’T need to do this for official credit.
  • You DO need to write two posts a week for whatever semester or quarter system you use, and these posts can’t be recycled term papers or diary entries from your blog about the best bars in Madison, Wisconsin.

If you’re not clear about the topics covered on this blog, read this post: Seven Days, Seven Categories — this is not a coincidence

How to apply:

Step 1: Pick out ONE writing sample, the Best Thing You Ever Wrote in History.

Step 2: Think of TWO story ideas that you could write the heck out of until there was NO HECK LEFT.

Step 3: Dream up THREE ways you’d improve this silly blog with new weekly features, WordPress magic or SEO nonsense and analytics that neither of us will understand, but we’ll pretend anyway.

Step 4: Pick one of FOUR ways of contacting me — the Twitter @speechwriterguy, emailing a resume and your clip to guybergstrom@gmail.com, creating some kind of infographic or Tumblr thing about your epic skills or posting a haiku about yourself in the comments. Poems can be terrible, but haikus rock.

Also: If you’re out of college, or in a different country where people don’t “go to college” and are instead “at university,” and know somebody amazing who’d be a perfect fit, please forward this post to them, retweet it or share it using smoke signals and such.

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Guy - Photo by Suhyoon Cho

Guy – Photo by Suhyoon Cho

Reformed journalist. Scribbler of speeches and whatnot. Wrote a thriller that was a finalist for some award.

Google+

1 Comment

Filed under 5 Random Thursday, Housekeeping

This’ll make your hike more exciting

image

3 Comments

by | May 12, 2013 · 11:26 am

Insensitive Hippo opens Twitter account, harasses man it once swallowed

Protip: Do not play around with hippos.  Art by Netlizard.

At 27 years old, Paul Templer was swallowed by a hippo.

In 1996, Templer was giving a tour of the Zambezi river in Africa when his canoe was overturned. As Templer paddled out to rescue a fellow guide, he was swallowed by a rude hippopotamus.

Templer documented the incident in an article written for The Guardian in May 2013. Templer writes:

I reached over to grab his outstretched hand but as our fingers were about to touch, I was engulfed in darkness…I seemed to be trapped in something slimy. There was a terrible, sulphurous smell, like rotten eggs…My arms were trapped but I managed to free one hand and felt around – my palm passed through the wiry bristles of the hippo’s snout. It was only then that I realised I was underwater, trapped up to my waist in his mouth.

…I’ve no idea how long we stayed under – time passes very slowly when you’re in a hippo’s mouth.

After having a book about the experience published in 2012 (ironically titled What’s Left Of Me), he thought that his nightmare with the “rogue hippo”, as he calls it, was over.

Continue reading

2 Comments

Filed under 7 Media Strategy Saturday, Animals, monsters and monstrous animals, Journalism, publicity and scandals, Muffin chokers, The Twitter, the Book of Face and the Series of Tubes

Backyard

image

3 Comments

by | March 17, 2013 · 8:21 am

Just a man and his wombat

What’s a wombat? I HAVE NO IDEA.

Looks like some kind of mythical beast, an extra from some Peter Jackson film. But it’s cool, and apparently friendly.

Greatest Hits, Vol. 2:

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Guy - Photo by Suhyoon Cho

Guy – Photo by Suhyoon Cho

Reformed journalist. Scribbler of speeches and whatnot. Wrote a thriller that was a finalist for some award.

Google+

4 Comments

Filed under 5 Random Thursday, Animals, monsters and monstrous animals, Muffin chokers

Fog in the forest

image

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Guy - Photo by Suhyoon Cho

Guy – Photo by Suhyoon Cho

Reformed journalist. Scribbler of speeches and whatnot. Wrote a thriller that was a finalist for some award.

Google+

8 Comments

by | January 6, 2013 · 4:28 pm

Golden eagle: the honey badger of birds

The shocking video of a giant flipping golden eagle, soaring in like some kind of pterodactyl, which I can’t even spell, to snatch a toddler — well, that thing may or may not be a total fake.

Watch it and decide.

Not fake is this long nature video of a golden eagle killing and eating MOUNTAIN GOATS.

I am not making that up. Why bother hunting rats, rabbits, purse dogs belonging to Paris Hilton, wolves, tiny humans and anything else under 33 pounds — why even mess with such trifling things when you can take out giant goats, and do so using jedi bird mastery of gravity?

We should remember three things: (1) birds are feathered dinosaurs, (2) golden eagles are like mini velicoraptors WHO CAN FLY and (3) if you have one as a pet, I am not cleaning the bird cage.

Bonus video: a rundown, with all kinds of scientific numbers and such about the golden eagle, truly the honey badger of birds. (Though in a fight, I’m putting a purple euro on the honey badger.)

Related posts: 

Real animal that should NOT exist: the blue dragon mollusk

Shapeshifting owl is seven separate flavors of awesomesauce

Diver attacks and kills great white shark, has a Foster’s

A BOWL OF WARM MILK AND MURDER

Page 2 of A BOWL OF WARM MILK AND MURDER

Random passages from A BOWL OF WARM MILK AND MURDER

Psycho killer raccoons terrorize Olympia … and Tacoma, and Seattle

The scariest fish IN THE WORLD

The cyclops piglet with two snouts and other REAL MONSTERS

The Swamp Demon of Louisiana

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Guy - Photo by Suhyoon Cho

Guy – Photo by Suhyoon Cho

Reformed journalist. Scribbler of speeches and whatnot. Wrote a thriller that was a finalist for some award.

Google+

2 Comments

Filed under 5 Random Thursday, Animals, monsters and monstrous animals, Muffin chokers

Dogs driving cars, I kid you not

This isn’t one of those joke photos where somebody puts Spot on their lap as they’re cruising down I-5.

This is a BBC news report from New Zealand, where they’re teaching dogs to truly drive cars.

Related post: Cats who open freezers and dogs who fetch COLD BEER

Three things:

1) Anything said with a British accent is — by definition — 15,923 times more awesome.

2) It is official: New Zealand raaawks.

3) When can I hire a trained Schnauzer  chauffeur from New Zealand, and does he require health benefits and a 401(k)?

Related posts: 

Diver attacks and kills great white shark, has a Foster’s

Real animal that should NOT exist: the blue dragon mollusk

A BOWL OF WARM MILK AND MURDER

Page 2 of A BOWL OF WARM MILK AND MURDER

Random passages from A BOWL OF WARM MILK AND MURDER

Psycho killer raccoons terrorize Olympia … and Tacoma, and Seattle

Shapeshifting owl is seven separate flavors of awesomesauce

The scariest fish IN THE WORLD

The cyclops piglet with two snouts and other REAL MONSTERS

The Swamp Demon of Louisiana

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Guy - Photo by Suhyoon Cho

Guy – Photo by Suhyoon Cho

Reformed journalist. Scribbler of speeches and whatnot. Wrote a thriller that was a finalist for some award.

Google+

3 Comments

Filed under 5 Random Thursday, Animals, monsters and monstrous animals

Caturday: Swedish commercial stars SKYDIVING CATS

As a Swede, and the owner of a cat who’s the sidekick of the Hound of the Baskervilles, this video amuses me.

Well done, makers of commercials in the Sweden.

If you haven’t seen if before, two more of my favorite commercial from the Sweden and the Denmark.

Greatest Hits, Vol. 2 or whatever:

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Guy - Photo by Suhyoon Cho

Guy – Photo by Suhyoon Cho

Reformed journalist. Scribbler of speeches and whatnot. Wrote a thriller that was a finalist for some award.

Google+

8 Comments

Filed under Animals, monsters and monstrous animals

Come closer, now, and whisper your MOST EVIL PLANS

My silly blog is now one year old, meaning it doesn’t just crawl anymore.

No. It can (a) get to its feet by grabbing the couch, (b) chase teh kitteh all over the living room, (c) scribble all over the first page of any book with a red pen and (d) make sarcastic faces at really bad movies.

So thank you, dear reader, for faithfully reading posts, writing insanely witty comments and talking smack to me on the Twitter.

I never expected this little blog to have 4,300 hits in a day (Saturday), 11,000 followers on the Twitter or 100,000-whatever hits in its first year of life.

You did NOT expect that. Little Godzilla.

Did you expect that? NO. Me neither.

My expectations were rather low. This blog-like substance was born out of fun, and to try out a bunch of things on WordPress and the Twitter.

What should happen next, in Year Two?

You tell me. I’m taking requests.

Inch on a little closer to me and whisper, softly, your most evil of evil plans.

  • What over-rated novel deserves to have Page 1 ripped apart by a red pen of doom?
  • Which movies or TV shows needs to be put on the table and dissected to see how it works so beautifully, or doesn’t work at all?
  • What insane music videos need to be shown to the world, with the lyrics translated into English?
  • Or should we just go all-in with zombies, zombies and, just for variety, more zombies?
evolution of zombies

Everything goes better with zombies.

Vote in the little poll below, or post your idea in the comment section. And thanks again.

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Guy - Photo by Suhyoon Cho

Guy – Photo by Suhyoon Cho

Reformed journalist. Scribbler of speeches and whatnot. Wrote a thriller that was a finalist for some award.

Google+

8 Comments

Filed under Housekeeping