Category Archives: 3 Tinseltown Tuesday

Four killer trailers for the best movies of 2015

Never have I been this stoked about so many monstrous movies coming at us in a single year.

And I’m skipping a few that look good.

Here are the four biggest films that I would crawl through glass to see three different times.

May 1 = AVENGERS 2: AGE OF ULTRON

May 15 = MAD MAX: FURY ROAD

November 6 = SPECTRE

December 18 = STAR WARS: THE FORCE AWAKENS

More posts for your amusement or education:

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This is Guy Bergstrom the writer, not the Guy Bergstrom in Stockholm or the guy in Minnesota who sells real estate or whatever. Separate guys. Kthxbai.

Guy Bergstrom. Photo by Suhyoon Cho.

Reformed journalist. Scribbler of speeches and whatnot. Represented by Jill Marr of the Sandra Dijkstra Literary Agency.

2 Comments

by | April 21, 2015 · 6:06 am

Top 3 reasons why the new, extended trailer for AVENGERS: AGE OF ULTRON rocks so hard

1) It’s funny, and not in a forced way, like a Saturday Night Live skit that repeats the same joke seventeen times.

The actors seem natural and relaxed.

2) The director lets this scene play out.

Today, that’s rare, with directors eager to bust out the CGI and blow up more stuff that only exists as pixels on giant servers.

Josh Whedon figures he has enough excitement packed into the movie and gives us a long, funny breather. Which is wonderful, because not rushing the payoff for this scene makes is far more powerful.

3) That payoff is amazing, and a completely different emotion than how the scene started.

Ultron showing up like this is not only a surprise, but a shock, and his lines are simply perfect. Unsettling and dark and wonderful.

Well done, Josh the Whedon, well done. A far better trailer than the usual Michael Bay explosion-fest that’s required of every big-budget action movie.

 

Top 11 posts about the Big Screen and Such, Because Top 10 Lists are Common and therefore Boring:

The Red Pen of Doom dissects every Batman movie IN HISTORY

Top 5 reasons EDGE OF TOMORROW works — and why it redeems Tom the Cruise

THE WOLVERINE proves Writing Law #1 – Less is More

Seattle superheroes challenged by supervillain Rex Velvet

Hollywood: Sidekicks do NOT need their own stupid sidekicks

Seven movie clichés that must be NUKED FROM ORBIT

MAN OF STEEL and the Invincible Hero Problem

STAR TREK INTO DARKNESS: Why it works

Big, Beautiful Movies with Sad, Stupid Endings

THE AVENGERS + THE BREAKFAST CLUB = AWESOMESAUCE

Like Godzilla in Tokyo, PACIFIC RIM smashes all expectations

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This is Guy Bergstrom the writer, not the Guy Bergstrom in Stockholm or the guy in Minnesota who sells real estate or whatever. Separate guys. Kthxbai.

Guy Bergstrom. Photo by Suhyoon Cho.

Reformed journalist. Scribbler of speeches and whatnot. Represented by Jill Marr of the Sandra Dijkstra Literary Agency.

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Filed under 3 Tinseltown Tuesday, The Big Screen

Epic Announcer Man does the classic Seahawks-Packers game

Is it the Best NFL Game of All Time?

I’d say so. There might be games where teams came back from a more lopsided score. But not when the stakes were a trip to the Super Bowl.

Here’s that narrator with the Voice of God, the kind of guy who does movie trailers with his booming voice, as he does that crazy 2015 NFC Championship Game, the miracle in Seattle.

More posts for your amusement and possible education:

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This is Guy Bergstrom the writer, not the Guy Bergstrom in Stockholm or the guy in Minnesota who sells real estate or whatever. Separate guys. Kthxbai.

Guy Bergstrom. Photo by Suhyoon Cho.

Reformed journalist. Scribbler of speeches and whatnot. Wrote a thriller that won some award and is represented by Jill Marr of the Sandra Dijkstra Literary Agency.

1 Comment

Filed under The Glowing Tube

Two-point conversion: Hawktown Funk plus Bad Lip Reading NFL 2015

How bad is Seahawks fever right now?

Crazy bad.

Turn on the radio or pick up a newspaper and it’s all Seahawks, all the time.

My wife steals the sports pages from me, every morning, and now has favorites among sports columnists. This itself is a miracle. Radio stations are doing contests for best Seahawks song and the fans are riffing off Ice, Ice Baby and sixteen bazillion other songs, old or new. It’s a good time.

Here are two great clips from the series of tubes.

Hawktown Funk

Bad Lip Reading NFL 2015

More posts for your amusement and possible education:

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This is Guy Bergstrom the writer, not the Guy Bergstrom in Stockholm or the guy in Minnesota who sells real estate or whatever. Separate guys. Kthxbai.

Guy Bergstrom. Photo by Suhyoon Cho.

Reformed journalist. Scribbler of speeches and whatnot. Wrote a thriller that won some award and is represented by Jill Marr of the Sandra Dijkstra Literary Agency.

1 Comment

Filed under The Glowing Tube

BatKam, the Seahawks’ Dark Knight–plus the secret to football’s power

As I live in the Land of the Twelves, the heroics of BatKam are well known to me and my neighbors, and woe unto the wide receiver, running back or quarterback who enters his realm.

HOWEVER: What is it about football that makes us root so hard, and so faithfully, for our local team? Why is it that a random Sunday Night Football game beats a World Series game in the ratings?

It’s not a pure popularity thing. Soccer is strong here, and I know some insane baseball fans.

Football feels different.

Here’s my theory:

1) Other games, like baseball, look like games.

Baseball has a neat diamond, a slow pace and very individual stats with players spread out. It’s a team sport, sure, but more than one player is rarely involved unless it’s from a distance, or two outfielders screw up and run into each other chasing a fly ball.

Basketball is more of team vs. team sport, but it’s also more civilized than football. Sure, there’s contact in the post, and sharp elbows. It’s not a tackling sport by nature.

Hockey is more of a “warriors wearing armor” motif like football, but it’s a lot like basketball and soccer in the scoring and the spacing. Clumping up is usually a bad thing.

Boxing and MMA are actual fights, but champion fighters might lose their belts tomorrow or decide to move to Hollywood and try action movies.

Teams have staying power. You can root for them year after year.

2) Football looks and feels like war.

This is maybe the heart of football’s appeal: it’s Seattle versus San Francisco, and our strongest warriors are better than yours. Except nobody has to die.

Unlike hockey and other games where the clock keeps running, the different downs of football actually make it better. Those stoppages let football teams line up in different formations, like armies facing each other, and use an ever-changing arsenal of complicated strategies, tactics and formations.

All this gives coaches and teams vastly different personalities: finesse vs. power, defensive might vs. offensive juggernauts, the best free agents vs. building talent from young drafted players.

I’ve watched soccer for years. Technically, there are all kinds of different formations that teams and coaches use. But honestly, it looks the same to average fans like me. Same thing with basketball. Does anybody aside from deadly serious basketball fans know what Phil Jackson’s triangle offense is? Even the most casual football fan, though, can see the difference between a power running game and a spread passing attack. They get it. You don’t need to be an expert. It looks like a battle and you can tell which team, as a whole, is pushing the other team around or tricking them into big plays.

But hey, this is a random theory, and an excuse to play an awesome BatKam video from the series of tubes.

Here’s to hoping that Seattle and the Legion of Boom win one more game, even against the noble Packers (good people, good fans, good team–it would have been more fun to crush the Cowboys).

I believe in our young warriors and our ageless, energetic, positive coach, so unlike the stereotypical football guru on the sideline who never smiles.

I believe the 12’s can break the world record for noise, and that our running back can cause an earthquake.

I believe.

And that doesn’t happen with other sports.

More posts for your amusement and possible education:

###

This is Guy Bergstrom the writer, not the Guy Bergstrom in Stockholm or the guy in Minnesota who sells real estate or whatever. Separate guys. Kthxbai.

Guy Bergstrom. Photo by Suhyoon Cho.

Reformed journalist. Scribbler of speeches and whatnot. Wrote a thriller that won some award and is represented by Jill Marr of the Sandra Dijkstra Literary Agency.

2 Comments

Filed under The Glowing Tube

Many Bothans died to bring us this teaser for STAR WARS: THE FORCE AWAKENS

Long ago, in a galaxy named after a candy bar for some reason, I felt a great disturbance in the Force, as if millions of voices suddenly cried out in terror and were suddenly silenced–because the Mouse had bought the entire Star Wars franchise.

Everybody who grew up on the original Star Wars movies felt this pain.

I prepared myself for Disney princesses with cute neon pink lightsabers, then endless straight-to-video sequels and prequels that would make STAR WARS: THE PHANTOM MENACE look like THE GODFATHER. (Related: Why new STAR WARS movies by Disney are an achy breaky big mistakey)

However: this was before they announced that JJ Abrams would direct the first new movie.

Also: Disney also owns Marvel now, and Marvel is on an insanely successful roll.

All of the Marvel movies since IRON MAN have rocked. I figured the Captain America ones would stink, since it would be easy to make those corny and uber-patriotic, but they nailed both of them. WINTER SOLDIER is darker than dark. Loved it. On the other hand, FOX studios proves you can take a great character and great actor and absolutely blow the thing with two horrible Wolverine movies.

Marvel can’t do wrong. And now JJ Abrams, after rebooting Star Trek into awesomesauce, looks like he’s doing the same thing with Star Wars.

The only way this trailer could look and feel better is if (a) the new Sith uses his wicked lightsaber to make a clean break with the Lucas prequels by (b) slicing Jar-Jar Binks in half.

 

Top 11 posts about the Big Screen and Such, Because Top 10 Lists are Common and therefore Boring:

The Red Pen of Doom dissects every Batman movie IN HISTORY

Top 5 reasons EDGE OF TOMORROW works — and why it redeems Tom the Cruise

THE WOLVERINE proves Writing Law #1 – Less is More

Seattle superheroes challenged by supervillain Rex Velvet

Hollywood: Sidekicks do NOT need their own stupid sidekicks

Seven movie clichés that must be NUKED FROM ORBIT

MAN OF STEEL and the Invincible Hero Problem

STAR TREK INTO DARKNESS: Why it works

Big, Beautiful Movies with Sad, Stupid Endings

THE AVENGERS + THE BREAKFAST CLUB = AWESOMESAUCE

Like Godzilla in Tokyo, PACIFIC RIM smashes all expectations

###

This is Guy Bergstrom the writer, not the Guy Bergstrom in Stockholm or the guy in Minnesota who sells real estate or whatever. Separate guys. Kthxbai.

Guy Bergstrom. Photo by Suhyoon Cho.

Reformed journalist. Scribbler of speeches and whatnot. Wrote a thriller that won some award (PNWA 2013). Represented by Jill Marr of the Sandra Dijkstra Literary Agency.

2 Comments

Filed under 3 Tinseltown Tuesday, The Big Screen

Why TOO MANY COOKS blew up the interwebs

 

too many cooks

There is no shortage of funny or strange videos on the Series of Tubes, and it takes no great talent to find them.

HOWEVER: It takes some talent to make something as long, and interesting, as TOO MANY COOKS.

Before you watch it, listen: this thing starts out slow, and if you’ve never watched bad TV shows from the ’80s and ’90s, because you weren’t born yet, or have a rule about never watching the Glowing Tube, some of these parodies will fly over your head like a B-2 bomber.

I don’t believe there are any bad words or anything other than cartoonish violence and creepiness, but be warned that it does get weird, though I think in an interesting way. This really is something for people who grew up watching reruns of The Brady Brunch, TJ Hooker, Airwolf, Battlestar Galactica, Wonder Woman and about seventeen other shows. Funny stuff. Watch, then we’ll dissect it.

So: there’s no way to name every single genre and show that video just parodied. The list is ginormous.

From a big picture, though, the secret seems to be how this is different from Saturday Night Live skits from the bad old days, where writers took one funny idea and beat that dead horse all the way to the glue factory.

TOO MANY COOKS is the opposite. Despite repeating the opening song again and again (though they twist it), they’re actually cramming five metric tons of funny ideas into one parody skit, constantly changing their target to different genres and specific Bad TV Shows We All Used to Love.

Love is a big part of this. You can’t film a video of this breadth and style without loving those shows, and knowing them incredibly well. I could write a pretty good fake Airwolf script, and completely skewer it, because as a pookie, I watched that show religiously and adored the thing. Jan Michael Vincent FTW! And yeah, that thing was terrible when you fire up an old episode on YouTube now. But we loved our TV trash, and part of us will always love it.

Here’s why: entertaining trash, however trashy, is still entertaining, while pretentious nonsense, however well done, is still pretentious.

Well done, crazy makers of this parody. Give us moar moar MOAR.

The Red Pen of Doom’s Greatest Hits Collection Vol. 5: Five Epic Posts, Because AP Style Is Confusing When It Comes to Using Numbers or Spelling Them Out

  1. Epic Black Car deserves good owner; are you worthy?
  2. The Mother of All Query Letters
  3. Why every man MUST read a romance – and every woman a thriller
  4. Writing secret: Light as air, strong as whiskey, cheap as dirt
  5. Quirks and legs matter more than talent and perfection

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This is Guy Bergstrom the writer, not the Guy Bergstrom in Stockholm or the guy in Minnesota who sells real estate or whatever. Separate guys. Kthxbai.

Guy Bergstrom. Photo by Suhyoon Cho.

Reformed journalist. Scribbler of speeches and whatnot. Wrote a thriller that won some award (PNWA 2013). Represented by Jill Marr of the Sandra Dijkstra Literary Agency.

1 Comment

by | November 13, 2014 · 5:05 am