Category Archives: Gear, guns and such

Everybody panic: expert says Yellowstone Supervolcano could ‘destroy the United States’

So people are freaking out because (a) the Yellowstone supervolcano blows up every 600,000 years, (b) it would turn North America into a sea of ash and create a mini Ice Age, (c) the magma pit under the supervolcano is causing earthquakes and bulging and  (d) there’s a viral video of bison running along a highway, supposedly fleeing the coming explosion.

Well, grab your bug-out bag and run for the hills.

Except it might not happen for another 100,000 years. So there’s that.

This video lends weight to survivalist types pointing at the stockpile of canned food and ammo in the basement and saying, “See? It was all worth it. Throw the tent in the pickup and let’s head to the Yukon.”

On the other hand, a supervolcano is a complicated thing. It doesn’t sleep for eons and suddenly wake up to go boom, as this man of science explains in a smart, rational look at Yellowstone.

And finally, this park ranger at Yellowstone, who sort of knows more about the bison and the supervolcano, seeing how it’s his job, destroys the whole “the bison are fleeing, so we must run for our lives, too!” thing.

In the end, I disagree with the viral video folks and End of the World theorists saying “This is it.” Will this supervolcano go nuts? Someday. Scientists say there’s a 1 in 10,000 chance Yellowstone will blow in our lifetime.

Those odds make this far, far more likely than (1) a zombie infestation, (2) U.N. black helicopters coming for your shotgun or (3) killer robots that transform into cars making a mess out of Manhattan. If you’re going to be smart about being prepared, yeah, it’s worth thinking about Yellowstone.

But it’s not worth obsessing over, and there’s no need to panic.

It’s far smarter to think about heart disease, traffic accidents, cancer, getting mugged in a dark alley, diabetes, climate change.

Will you likely dodge most of them? Sure. But 10 out of 10 people die, those are known dangers and it only takes one of them to get lucky and add you to the list. It’d be smart to prepare and prevent the most likely dangers, seeing how they’re basically sure bets compared to Yellowstone going boom or a giant asteroid slamming into Florida because Bruce Willis was too busy making THE EXPENDABLES 12: BUSTING OUT OF THE NURSING HOME.

So while I agree with survivalists about being prepared for more than a flat tire, you should be brutally practical and look at the odds, then spend time and energy on the most likely Terrible Things You Would Like to Avoid, and 99 percent of those problems aren’t solved by me stocking up on more cases of MRE’s. Though I do have a killer plan for making any house zombie proof.

The Red Pen of Doom’s Greatest Hits Collection: 10 Epic Posts

  1. Epic Black Car deserves good owner; are you worthy?
  2. The Mother of All Query Letters
  3. Why every man MUST read a romance – and every woman a thriller
  4. The Red Pen of Doom impales FIFTY SHADES OF GREY
  5. The Twitter, it is NOT for selling books
  6. A BOWL OF WARM MILK AND MURDER
  7. 30 achy breaky Twitter mistakeys
  8. Writing secret: Light as air, strong as whiskey, cheap as dirt
  9. The Red Pen of Doom murders THE FOUNTAINHEAD by Ayn Rand
  10. Quirks and legs matter more than talent and perfection

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Guy - Photo by Suhyoon Cho

Photo by Suhyoon Cho

 

Reformed journalist. Scribbler of speeches and whatnot. Wrote a thriller that won some award and is represented by Jill Marr of the Dijkstra Literary Agency.

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Filed under 1 Survival Sunday, Gear, guns and such, Zombie apocalypse

Joss Whedon + politics + zombie apocalypse = EPIC WIN

Joss the Whedon, I am impressed by your funny and interesting zombie apocalypse shebang.

I salute you, and would happily save a space for you on the armored school bus with a 20mm anti-aircraft gun.

Related posts:

Zombie movies are NOT standard horror movies

Why doomsday preppers are DOING IT WRONG

How to survive the coming Robopocalypse

Epic Black Car deserves good owner; are you worthy?

Survival Sunday: The world’s first zombie-proof house

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Guy - Photo by Suhyoon Cho

Guy – Photo by Suhyoon Cho

Reformed journalist. Scribbler of speeches and whatnot. Wrote a thriller that was a finalist for some award.

Google+

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Filed under 1 Survival Sunday, Gear, guns and such, Zombie apocalypse

Why doomsday preppers are DOING IT WRONG

There’s a big trend on the Glowing Tube of not just (a) reality shows, but (b) reality shows involving extreme people. And it doesn’t get  more extreme than people devoting all their time and monies to preparing for the apocalypse.

This is fun stuff that actually poses interesting questions. It also lets us watch people prepare for doomsday by shooting their thumb off.

Some questions:

1) Are you ready for doomsday?

2) What version of the apocalypse is your favorite?

  • Zombie infestation
  • Mad Max nuclear wasteland
  • Global economic collapse
  • Invasion of the Snooki clones

3) Are the doomsday preppers (a) admirable, self-reliant people with useful doomsday skills or (b) whackadoodles spending insane amounts of money on bomb shelters that will never get used?

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Filed under 1 Survival Sunday, Gear, guns and such, Zombie apocalypse

How to survive the coming Robopocalypse

Zombies, nuclear war and the Spanish Flu wiping out civilization are all fun to talk about. Mad Max! Bartertown!

But a robot uprising is a real possibility. Maybe they get smarter than us and don’t like being slaves to inferior beings.

Maybe an evil genius creates an unstoppable army of robots.

Or maybe some programmer screws up the C++ whatever and turns happy little lawn-mowing robots into roving blades of robotic death.

Either way, this Daniel H. Wilson man (do NOT forget the H., peoples) is not only a robot expert with a PhD and such, but an author who’s written about surviving the coming robopocalypse. Also: the animation to the video is awesomesauce.

Bonus: A glorious poster thing about robot and the future. It has numbers and such.

bow down to your robot masters

Robots will take over the world. Resistance is futile.

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Filed under 1 Survival Sunday, Gear, guns and such, Zombie apocalypse

Post-apocalyptic driving and kabooming

If there is a zombie apocalypse / alien invasion / nuclear war, you’ll be running around all Mad Max-style, right?

That means the Bad Guys will also be cruising the interstates, unless you really believe they’ll be walking around or riding bicycles.

So real survivalist prepper types need to think about (a) the best way to armor up their Subaru, (b) where they can possibly fill up after the apocalypse and (c) the best ways to blow up enemy Subaru’s who may be in after your stash of petro / teriyaki beef jerky / bullets / DVD collection of all 4.92 bazillion episodes of Buffy the Vampire Slayer.

How can you blow up a car, especially an armored car?

In the movies, cars just go boom when you shoot them in the gas tank. This is nonsense, as anybody who’s watched Mythbusters or shot up a car would know.

The good British people at Top Gear took this all the way and experimented in the most awesome way possible: automobile skeet shooting.

That’s right. We’re talking about yelling “pull” and blowing away a car that’s flying through the air.

This is seven separate kinds of awesome.

Top Gear  should receive tax subsidies from the U.S., paid for by levying a tax on 90 percent of the stupid reality shows being created by Hollywood, and that way, we’d get less Snooki and more of this sort of thing.

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Guy - Photo by Suhyoon Cho

Guy – Photo by Suhyoon Cho

Reformed journalist. Scribbler of speeches and whatnot. Wrote a thriller that was a finalist for some award.

Google+

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Filed under 1 Survival Sunday, Gear, guns and such, Zombie apocalypse

Survival Sunday: Concrete Canvas Shelters of the Apocalypse

The First Rule of the Zombie Apocalypse: You will NOT be staying in your home.

There’ll be no electricity, no water, no cable, no internets and no guarantee that your house is remotely zombie-proof.

The Second Rule of the Zombie Apocalypse: Find a defensible shelter.

Sleeping under the stars is a good way to get nom-nom-nommed. Even if there are not walking dead around to eat your brains, other survivors will happily steal your stuff and leave you for dead.

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Zombies need shooting.

Here’s a great little shelter from the British, who have glorious accents, making anything they say or invent ten times the awesome.

It’s an inflatable shelter made from canvas impregnated with cement*. Blow it up, spray water on it and bam, instant bomb shelter.

This is military grade stuff. Pile dirt around it and you’ve got an instant bunker that’s safe from small arms fire, mortars and the undead.

*Yes, the video says “concrete.” Cement is actually the right term. Concrete is cement mixed with rocks and whatnot.

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Filed under 1 Survival Sunday, Gear, guns and such, Zombie apocalypse