Click here to read the whole post at McSweeney’s here, because it is brilliant.
My personal favorites:
CAPOTEX – A vintage 1960s designer drug. Unlike most other banned literary substances, this drug is often used by fiction writers and non-fiction writers alike. Artificially increases prose style and sophistication. May cause speech patterns to be affected. Known to induce cutting, witty remarks in some test subjects. Long-term use can lead to literary irrelevance.
SPILLAGRA – Boosts literary testosterone levels. Known side effects include involvement with femme fatales, consumption of rye whiskey in dive bars, and over-reliance on colorful similes. If hard-boiled dialogue persists for over four hours, contact a doctor immediately.
ORWELLBUTRIN – Regulates and encourages the production of dystopamine in the brain. Developed as a means of social control, but now listed as a “doubleplus ungood” substance by the Ministry of Health. In rare cases, subjects may imagine that they can hear animals talking. Should only be taken after the clocks strike thirteen.
- Why critique groups MUST DIE
- Light as air, strong as whiskey, cheap as dirt
- The evil secret to ALL WRITING – editing is everything
- The Twitter, it is NOT for selling books
- Using free ink and airtime to BUST THROUGH
Reformed journalist. Scribbler of speeches and whatnot. Wrote a thriller that was a finalist for some award.