Music Video Monday: Treasure vs Trash

Let’s talk, you and I, about the difference between treasure and trash.

The same principles that apply to silly music videos work across media, whether it’s movies, novels or paintings.

• Is it creative and unique — or the same thing I’ve seen 3.93 gazillion times?
• Would I recommend it to my friends and family — or would I suggest it to people I don’t like, hoping it puts them in therapy?
• Finally, the acid test: would I hand over pieces of paper decorated with dead presidents to get more — or would you have to pay me to suffer through the stupid thing?

So on this Music Video Monday, let’s look at two vids that could not be more different.

In this corner, we have a classic Bollywood contender. Big budget. Big star. Big concept — shoot the video on a moving train through the lush countryside.

Clearly, it’s part of a movie, and I’ve seen this actor in a bunch of films. They know how to do music numbers in Bollywood, where the attitude is, “Go big or go home.”

I appreciate music videos like this one.

Let’s put it to the Three-Part Test of Treasure or Trash, which could use about six more T’s, but I ran out of coffee:

• Is it creative and unique? Yes. Haven’t seen one like this before. Well done.
• Would I recommend it to friends and family? Yes. And they watch Bollywood stuff all the time, so whatever I suggest would have to be damn good.
• If this is part of a two-hour movie, would I invest two hours of my life and time to see it? Yes, and I’d munch some masala dosa during intermission.

In the other corner, we have a prototypical American video of bubble-gum pop.

It would be easy to pick something obscure and terrible. I picked something quite popular, a viral YouTube hit that you couldn’t claim some record company executive shoved down America’s throat.

Here’s the video. Watch it with a shot of bourbon.

We  – and I use the royal we, meaning you all, and not me, because I am NOT RESPONSIBLE for this nonsense — made this video insanely popular. This singer now has more money in her change purse than you will ever make in your life. Even worse: all this success and money will only encourage Rebecca Black to produce more “hits” like this.

• Creative and unique? Only if you consider lyrics written in crayon to be unique, and a production budget that costs less than a 16-ounce soy latte at Starbucks.
• Recommend to friends or punish enemies with it? Oh, punish all the way. The CIA doesn’t need waterboarding. Strap somebody to a chair and play this video for 10 hours straight. They’ll tell you anything.
• Two hour movie? You can’t make a tw0-hour movie out of this. I already sent Arnold back in time to hunt down the video’s director, who is drinking Bud Light Lime in a sketchy biker bar.

As further proof that this is, indeed, the trashiest of trash, let’s look at the lyrics and cringe together, in harmony.

(Yeah, Ah-Ah-Ah-Ah-Ah-Ark)
Oo-ooh-ooh, hoo yeah, yeah
Yeah, yeah
Yeah-ah-ah
Yeah-ah-ah
Yeah-ah-ah
Yeah-ah-ah
Yeah, yeah, yeah

[Rebecca Black - Verse 1]

7am, waking up in the morning
Gotta be fresh, gotta go downstairs
Gotta have my bowl, gotta have cereal
Seein’ everything, the time is goin’
Tickin’ on and on, everybody’s rushin’
Gotta get down to the bus stop
Gotta catch my bus, I see my friends (My friends)

Kickin’ in the front seat
Sittin’ in the back seat
Gotta make my mind up
Which seat can I take?

It’s Friday, Friday
Gotta get down on Friday
Everybody’s lookin’ forward to the weekend, weekend
Friday, Friday
Gettin’ down on Friday
Everybody’s lookin’ forward to the weekend

Partyin’, partyin’ (Yeah)
Partyin’, partyin’ (Yeah)
Fun, fun, fun, fun
Lookin’ forward to the weekend

[Rebecca Black - Verse 2]

7:45, we’re drivin’ on the highway
Cruisin’ so fast, I want time to fly
Fun, fun, think about fun
You know what it is
I got this, you got this
My friend is by my right
I got this, you got this
Now you know it

Kickin’ in the front seat
Sittin’ in the back seat
Gotta make my mind up
Which seat can I take?

[Chorus]

It’s Friday, Friday
Gotta get down on Friday
Everybody’s lookin’ forward to the weekend, weekend
Friday, Friday

Gettin’ down on Friday
Everybody’s lookin’ forward to the weekend

Partyin’, partyin’ (Yeah)
Partyin’, partyin’ (Yeah)
Fun, fun, fun, fun
Lookin’ forward to the weekend

[Bridge]

Yesterday was Thursday, Thursday
Today i-is Friday, Friday (Partyin’)
We-we-we so excited
We so excited
We gonna have a ball today

Tomorrow is Saturday
And Sunday comes after…wards
I don’t want this weekend to end

[Rap Verse]

R-B, Rebecca Black
So chillin’ in the front seat (In the front seat)
In the back seat (In the back seat)
I’m drivin’, cruisin’ (Yeah, yeah)
Fast lanes, switchin’ lanes
Wit’ a car up on my side (Woo!)
(C’mon) Passin’ by is a school bus in front of me
Makes tick tock, tick tock, wanna scream
Check my time, it’s Friday, it’s a weekend
We gonna have fun, c’mon, c’mon, y’all

[Chorus]

It’s Friday, Friday
Gotta get down on Friday
Everybody’s lookin’ forward to the weekend, weekend
Friday, Friday
Gettin’ down on Friday
Everybody’s lookin’ forward to the weekend

Partyin’, partyin’ (Yeah)
Partyin’, partyin’ (Yeah)
Fun, fun, fun, fun
Lookin’ forward to the weekend

It’s Friday, Friday
Gotta get down on Friday
Everybody’s lookin’ forward to the weekend, weekend
Friday, Friday
Gettin’ down on Friday
Everybody’s lookin’ forward to the weekend

Partyin’, partyin’ (Yeah)
Partyin’, partyin’ (Yeah)
Fun, fun, fun, fun
Lookin’ forward to the weekend

# # #

I have no words for how awful those lyrics are. It’s like they were taken straight from the diary of a 14-year-old girl who’s deepest, darkest thoughts are about teddy bears.

HOWEVER: as a special bonus, here is proof that stupid Bon Jovi songs can be redeemed, if you add the right instruments and attitude.