Random passages from A BOWL OF WARM MILK AND MURDER

So I wrote a little parody of talking cat cozies — yes, there is a genre of mystery novels where talking cats help little old ladies solve mysteries. TALKING CATS.

Read the first page. DO IT NOW.

evil cat soon

Evil Cat can wait. Oh yes. He can wait a very long time.

Now, click with your mousity mouse to read page two of A BOWL OF WARM MILK AND MURDER.

evil cat come to the dark side

Darth Kitty finds your lack of faith disturbing.

So I come to a difficult decision. A fork in the road of writerdom.

Door No 1.: Abandon the Evil Cat and his adventures in midstride, which would be sad.

Door No. 2: Drop everything else and write 300-whatever pages of A BOWL OF WARM MILK AND MURDER.

Door No 3:  Let the scientists clone me and do both.

Door No. 4: Do like some famous authors and put my name in BIG LETTERS while the schmuck who “co-wrote” the book has his name in agate type.

Time is precious, as in I don’t have any right now. Later in the year, sure.

Not now.

And I have things to do.

But it nagged at me. Even in the midst of writing other things at work, or writing things for fun at midnight, Evil Cat scratched at me with his sharp claws and whispered to me.

evil cat has weapons

Rambo? Rambo is a nancypants.

I told him to go away, that I’m trying to write a Serious Novel, and by serious I mean somewhere in between pretentious literary nancypants nonsense (FREEDOM) and sci-fi trash involving trolls, elves or armored dragons in spaceships. (Sadly, I am not making that up. Those novels exist.)

Evil Cat cut the brake lines of my car.

So: I picked Door No. 5: Write random passages of A BOWL OF WARM MILK OF MURDER with choice photos of evil cats, stolen from the series of tubes.

Page 184 of A BOWL OF WARM MILK AND MURDER

(from a funeral scene, with Evil Cat peering in from a window to the Eastside Methodist Church)

The Woman and the Boy have water on their face for the girl in the wooden box.

They sing songs from the black book. They hug each other.

I have not read the black book, though it seems important. I do know that they sing songs to the Bearded Man, who lives in the sky, and give him pieces of paper. Then when the snow and frozen water comes, the Bearded Man comes down from the sky in his box, pulled by the deer with horns, to  give children the toys made by tiny slaves with pointed ears.

hairless cat vampire does NOT sparkle

Vampire Cat eats angsty sparkly vampires for brunch.

###

Guy - Photo by Suhyoon Cho

Guy – Photo by Suhyoon Cho

Reformed journalist. Scribbler of speeches and whatnot. Wrote a thriller that was a finalist for some award.

Google+

About these ads

8 Comments

Filed under 4 Writing Secrets Wednesday, Fiction, Thrillers and mysteries

8 responses to “Random passages from A BOWL OF WARM MILK AND MURDER

  1. Pingback: Giant killer hornets prepare to devour the planet | The Red Pen of Doom

  2. Pingback: Six immortal — and possibly invincible — animals | The Red Pen of Doom

  3. Pingback: Golden eagle: the honey badger of birds | The Red Pen of Doom

  4. Pingback: Dogs driving cars, I kid you not | The Red Pen of Doom

  5. joeynga

    Take that glittery teenage vampires and robe-wearing-tots with magikal twigs!

  6. joeynga

    I too, would easily part with my dead presidents, handing them gladly over to you for a bowl of this murderous warm milk, and get this…so would my 13 year old son (who is an amazing reader). This could be a cross-generational hit. And of course the grannies in Gloucester would kick their non-crafty cats to the curb, and gladly adopt your conniving creation, Mr. Whiskers.

    If my 13 y.o. (a savvy reader) loves this, then you’re golden. Trust me on this one ;)

  7. I’ve only been following you for a couple weeks and it’s interesting to watch you get loopier and loopier. Wonder if this is correlating to some strange lunar tides? Too much work? Too little work? A Van Gogh-inspired ecstasy? Do not abandon the cat. He yowls for thee.

  8. I need more. This is wonderful. Truly. You need to write this book. And publish it so that I might give you paper with pictures of dead presidents. Or perhaps Dutch cheese.

Leave a witty comment

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s