What is the most amazing, over-the-top Fabio romance cover OF ALL TIME?
We are talking about Fabio here, so there is an embarrassment of riches.
How can we pick one masterpiece when everything the Italian Master of Romance has done with the cover of novels is so good?
I wanted to do crazy sci-fi and fantasy covers first. But they are surprisingly monotonous, with the difference between (1) a great cover and (2) a campy cover and (3) an insane cover being a matter of taste, really, and of what cup size you want your robot / elven princess / barbarian warrior woman to have, and whether she should be a loyal sidekick, at the feet of the male hero, or the heroine who’s busy cutting off the heads of trolls or whatever.
The other options for sci-fi and fantasy covers include:
- Old Bearded Man in a Robe with a Magical Staff,
- Young Man Playing with His Magical Sword, or
- Spaceships and exploding stars (dinosaurs are optional).
Frankly, they kind of bored me, though I will search harder for amazing sci-fi and fantasy covers, especially of spaceship riding dinosaurs.
Fabio, now, is easy to find. His body of work is as broad as his chest. Does he have two silicon helpers? Was he one of the first pioneers in the field of male chest implants? Hell if I know.
He does possess a manly chest, and a chiseled chin, and it is wrong to say that he has a mullet, because his hair is like Samson, longer and stronger than a mere trailer park Camaro cut.
On to the covers:
Here’s a prototypical Fabio cover. You’ve got the full glory of his hair and her hair. You’ve got enough clothes on both of them to be decent, but enough off of them to be suggestive. They’re on a fricking beach, and he has some kind of Pirate or Native American Warrior armband thing. Does it get any better than this?
A photo-realistic Fabio must be better than some boring old painting, right? This cover is a photo. But it is lacking. For one thing, it’s not a real novel, but a photo shoot for American Top Model, and the model is wearing clothes. More importantly, Fabio is wearing a shirt, which I believe is against the law or something. No. This looks more like a prom photo than a true Fabio masterpiece.
Here we get Fabio the Friendly Ghost, and different, in a Patrick Swayze way. But it doesn’t work.
Fabio the Viking is clearly inspired by Conan the Barbarian, not that there’s anything wrong with that. He does look a bit giant here. I am not a small man, so it’s hard to put myself in the shoes of a woman a foot shorter than me. Incredible Hulk Fabio is not that appealing, though. Sure, he’d would be the first man I’d pick if we were choosing sides for a game of Cut Off The Other Teams’ Body Parts – but we are playing a different game. This is not his finest romantic hour.
Here we go. The wind is making his long locks flow, he’s got a wicked sword and his manly chest makes him look tough without making him look like a pinhead. This is my favorite. His attire is appropriate for a bit of piracy or a night on the town. We have ourselves a winner.
Reformed journalist. Scribbler of speeches and whatnot. Wrote a thriller that won some award (PNWA 2013). Represented by Jill Marr of the Sandra Dijkstra Literary Agency.