What is the most amazing, over-the-top Fabio romance cover OF ALL TIME?
We are talking about Fabio here, so there is an embarrassment of riches.
How can we pick one masterpiece when everything the Italian Master of Romance has done with the cover of novels is so good?
I wanted to do crazy sci-fi and fantasy covers first. But they are surprisingly monotonous, with the difference between (1) a great cover and (2) a campy cover and (3) an insane cover being a matter of taste, really, and of what cup size you want your robot / elven princess / barbarian warrior woman to have, and whether she should be a loyal sidekick, at the feet of the male hero, or the heroine who’s busy cutting off the heads of trolls or whatever.
The other options for sci-fi and fantasy covers include:
- Old Bearded Man in a Robe with a Magical Staff,
- Young Man Playing with His Magical Sword, or
- Spaceships and exploding stars (dinosaurs are optional).
Frankly, they kind of bored me, though I will search harder for amazing sci-fi and fantasy covers, especially of spaceship riding dinosaurs.
Fabio, now, is easy to find. His body of work is as broad as his chest. Does he have two silicon helpers? Was he one of the first pioneers in the field of male chest implants? Hell if I know.
He does possess a manly chest, and a chiseled chin, and it is wrong to say that he has a mullet, because his hair is like Samson, longer and stronger than a mere trailer park Camaro cut.
On to the covers:
Here’s a prototypical Fabio cover. You’ve got the full glory of his hair and her hair. You’ve got enough clothes on both of them to be decent, but enough off of them to be suggestive. They’re on a fricking beach, and he has some kind of Pirate or Native American Warrior armband thing. Does it get any better than this?
A photo-realistic Fabio must be better than some boring old painting, right? This cover is a photo. But it is lacking. For one thing, it’s not a real novel, but a photo shoot for American Top Model, and the model is wearing clothes. More importantly, Fabio is wearing a shirt, which I believe is against the law or something. No. This looks more like a prom photo than a true Fabio masterpiece.
Here we get Fabio the Friendly Ghost, and different, in a Patrick Swayze way. But it doesn’t work.
Fabio the Viking is clearly inspired by Conan the Barbarian, not that there’s anything wrong with that. He does look a bit giant here. I am not a small man, so it’s hard to put myself in the shoes of a woman a foot shorter than me. Incredible Hulk Fabio is not that appealing, though. Sure, he’d would be the first man I’d pick if we were choosing sides for a game of Cut Off The Other Teams’ Body Parts – but we are playing a different game. This is not his finest romantic hour.
Here we go. The wind is making his long locks flow, he’s got a wicked sword and his manly chest makes him look tough without making him look like a pinhead. This is my favorite. His attire is appropriate for a bit of piracy or a night on the town. We have ourselves a winner.
But you neglected to put up the best part of the Viking and Rogue books…the fold-outs inside the covers! I have one here, just for those who don’t realize the full glory of the books he wrote himself. A marketing masterpiece! Here’s one. I think this was Rogue: http://twitpic.com/3kp26i And they even printed an inscription in each book so it looked as if he’d signed it in Sharpie. Awesome!
Where have you been all my blogging life? YOU ARE GOLDEN, Laura the Curtis.
I raise my glass of bourbon in your direction.
Oh, yes. Thank you for reminding me of that little detail, Laura. I had completely forgotten about the fold-out picture.
EBC: Fabio’s hair is in no way, shape or form a mullet. Mullets are short on top and on the sides but long in the back. Fabio has long hair all over. His hair is, in fact called “Fabio hair” and all other men with long, flowing locks have “Fabio hair,” too.
The fold-out photo is amazing. It’s so over the top and campy, it circles back to cool. I like it, I love it, I want some more of it.
Mullet: I completely agree. In the late ’90s, when the Internet was young, I memorized the contents of a website called “Mullets Galore” and could identify, on sight, each form of mullet:
* The Camaro Cut
* The PermaMullet
* The Rat Tail
* The German Porn Star
* The Mud Flap
This subject is too deep, and too interesting, for the comments section.
IT DEMANDS AN EPIC POST FULL OF MULLET PHOTOS.
But I just got back after taking an accidental elbow to the face, so Mullet Fest: 2010 has to wait.
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By which time it will be Mulletfest 2011. But that’s ok. It’s never too late to start an annual event.
You have missed the Mecca of the Johanna Lindsey/Fabio pairing. The epic and never-to-be-duplicated perfect marriage of totally over-the-top Johanna Lindsey plus the very best Fabio covers. Witness: http://johannalindsey.wordpress.com/category/cover-art/
Note that it is organized like someone has OCD. Plus, it includes some of my personal favorites (despite owning, as detailed on Smart Bitches, my very own AUTOGRAPHED copy of Fabio’s Pirate, autographed in no less than gold paint pen): the absolute glory of Keeper of the Heart. Which combines standards of sci-fi cover with romance Fabio cover. http://johannalindsey.files.wordpress.com/2008/08/keeperoftheheart.jpg
I have bookmarked Johanna the Lindsey’s shrine to Fabio and will blogroll the thing, when I get around to making a roll of blogs or whatever.
This is awesome. Laura the Curtis would dig it.
Laura the Curtis raises a glass to Elise the Logan for having a gold pen inscribed copy of Pirate!
Absolutely the most fun I’ve had today.
Too funny! Love this post. I have to tell you, I met Fabio once. Heck with the hair and the chest (okay, not heck with them, they are very pretty) but the man has a wicked sense of humor and that’s the best. I can easily imagine someday on the cover of a Senior Sexy Romance novel. He’s funny enough to do it.
Fabio is funny and self-deprecating. Love his Old Spice commercials. He gets it. Not a pompous dipstick, but a real human being, and never boring. Interesting man.
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